Hunting

Well, here I am. It's after midnight and sleep has passed me by. I am beyond tired but my mind is racing. So much change and uncertainty is right around the corner for us, I just don't know what to think right now.

The first week of May will be my last week working at one of my jobs, and then depending on if the YP candidate gets called, I may only be working at the church for a little while longer. I knew everything would change in time, and I'm thankful for seasons of change, but sometimes the seasons of uncertainty that go along with them make me so uneasy...

Today pastor started a five week series on peace, and in my opinion, it started out great. The verse that stuck out the most to me was Psalm 29:11, which states; "The LORD gives strength to His people; the LORD blesses His people with peace," and while it may not seem that relevant it just seems to linger in the back of my mind. I feel as though God is preparing me for something special that is soon to come; something that I will need to rely on His strength for, and that He'll give me HIS peace.... like, say, this job hunt..

Last night at youth group, the message one of the leaders brought to the students was about when we feel far from God. The focus was on Joseph, and how after being sold into slavery, made head servant, thrown into jail, interpreting dreams, practically ruling a nation, and then blessing the same ones who sold him into slavery,.. his life was like a roller coaster. Just like ours. But through those things, Joseph trusted God. I want to trust God with those huge obstacles in my life. I recently heard the quote; "you can walk a million steps away from God, but when you turn around, He will always be right behind you," and its so true. In Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV), David writes;

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? 
   Where can I flee from your presence? 
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
   if I settle on the far side of the sea, 
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, 
   your right hand will hold me fast. 
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me 
   and the light become night around me,” 
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
   the night will shine like the day, 
   for darkness is as light to you.

We can't get away. He is always there. Right there, right with us. Even when we make huge mistakes, or have terrible things happen to us, He is there. He can make those huge mistakes and terrible things into great things, though. In Genesis 50:20, Joseph spoke to his brothers, saying; "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good..(NIV)" God is in control; He can take terrible, and make it good, and He does. I know He's right here with us in the process of job hunting, and I know His will is going to be done. But, sometimes don't you just wish that you knew what was going to happen to save some energy, stress, and aggravation? I do. And then He speaks just barely loud enough for me to hear Him telling me that if I would just trust Him, I wouldn't have to expend that extra energy, stress, or get aggravated... but, I do.

"Lord, I believe; only help my disbelief.." Thats how it feels some days. I need a job, my husband needs a job, most of us need a job to survive here on this earth, because that is how society functions. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I know God will take care of our needs, because "..even Solomon in all His splendor was not arrayed as one [of the lilies that God dressed] (Matthew 6:29)." And it is promised that He will care for us even better than the lilies of the field.

So, with His strength, peace, and promise to provide for our needs, I have nothing to worry about. And yet I do worry. We all do. I can't wait until I can kick this sinful, doubtful nature in the behind when I get to glory and tell it to vanish for good. Oh, that will be such a sweet, sweet day!