Work. Summer. Lake Ann. Church. Results. I guess I'll just go down the list... here we go
My life is a long list of frustrations right now.. and I know that everything will work out how its supposed to, but its so hard to just let it be.
First of all, work. My schedule has gotten messed up multiple weeks in a row. Last Monday I was scheduled to work at night, the same time I was scheduled for a class. I freaked out the day before, and ended up getting to work on time to get ready and start my shift. I got there, and was told that my shift was already covered. I ended up withdrawing from the class (not for work related reasons..) and told the manager that I was now available to work Monday nights. So, I get the schedule last Sunday and when am I scheduled to work? Monday afternoon during my classes. Again, my shift got covered. But thats ten hours I had to drop... which would amount to around eighty dollars.
Second, summer. I've been trying to figure out where God wants me this summer.. and I still don't know. I'm leaning towards staying here, but I have no clue. I've applied at other places to work.. so now comes the other process of waiting.. again. oh joy.
Third, Lake Ann. hoooboy is this a big one right now. I applied early, had my interview early, and got my references in early. Or so I thought. I started emailing the camp sometime in January I think. After a few weeks, I got somewhat of an answer. I was told two of my references were missing, and they liked me, but theres probably no room to counsel, ...so what did I think of handicrafts. Its been about a week again, and I haven't gotten an email. Its almost as if the delay of the emails is God telling me that its just not meant for this summer.
Fourth, church. I recently hopped on board at Cornerstone in town, and am a youth leader there. I love the church, love the people, and love the ministry they have there. So far so good, but if I get the job at Lake Ann, I won't be around the youth group this summer, and will miss out on a whole bunch of stuff that I'd like to be there for. Essentially, it would be bittersweet.
Fifth, results. After all my frustration, I took this test today to see what my spiritual gift was. My highest answer was faith. I just stared at it. I usually don't see myself as someone who would fit that.. because I fall time and time again. But this time, it was talking about how you have faith in God, that He is in control of your life, and it really set me back. I took a look at my life and saw how I'd handled things the past eight months.. and wow, I really do have a great amount of faith. That made me smile. My other two highest scores were teaching and mercy. I'm speechless on those, I really am.
So, all these things to say I'm frustrated. I guess I just want to know whats going on. I trust that God has a plan for this summer, and everything I'm going through, but I'm so eager to know whats going on so I can start planning. I like to plan stuff like this.. and I'm getting impatient. I had my heart set on something and then I figured out that maybe I shouldn't.. maybe it wasn't right for me to be there.
Now that I think about it, one thing I've learned since I moved here is that you don't necessarily always follow your heart.. that can be very dangerous. I already went through some stuff with following my heart.. and it didn't end well. This time I'm not following my heart.. I'm following GOD, and God alone... I'm just waiting to see what He has to say.... and its really hard. I just pray He'll give me the perseverance and faith to do wait.
