In me, oh Lord, can You create: a pure heart, cause I'm afraid: that I just might run back to the things I hate


Monday, October 31, 2011

Thoughts After Youth Group

Tonight I find myself asking, "would God be pleased with my frustration about ____" and this time I'm really not sure. I think that it was righteously based, but I never know the extent where it becomes worldly instead of righteous.

A few of our students tonight were really hard to work with. I'm used to them, of course, but something about tonight was just different. We were setting up for our church's annual harvest party that is tomorrow (on halloween), and there was so much going on. We had students working on different projects in the fellowship hall, in the foyer, etc., but we had more students than projects. That was interesting. It was crazy to try and direct them to what needed to be done when we were running out of stuff for them to do, and the ones doing something asked questions while were trying to keep the others out of various accounts of mischief. Seeing this made me question how to instigate relationships between our students that are in high school and middle school. There are some awesome friendships, but some of them function more along the lines of the older student being an instigator to get the younger one in trouble. Our goal is that our students wouldn't do that.. but instead the older students would be an example. That's how everyone thinks it's supposed to go anyway; regardless if the relationship is created at church or not.

Working with the students is great, I'm just not quite sure how to communicate effectively to them in a way that will create not only respect amongst themselves and leaders, but also an understanding in our material and that we want them there and love them. There's a fine line to walk between being their friend and being an adult that's in charge. Sometimes I don't think either side knows how to walk that line effectively. It's definitely a learning process.

Our staff is also fantastic. We've been having meetings before youth group to lay the whole night out ahead of us and get our game plan. It's also a good time to relay messages about what we've done throughout the week involving our ministry, give a heads up about certain stuff, and all get on the same page. It's hard though, especially when some of the leaders can't make it, talk the whole time, talk over each other, or we just don't stay on task. We have a limited amount of time, so focusing is one of the hardest things for us =] There's so much to talk about, but we just can't fit it all in. We're working on that.

Like I said, it's a learning process. I just hope that my lack of knowledge during that process doesn't hinder or harm the growing of any of the students in any way. Some of the things we encounter get so frustrating... I could go on and on, but that would do nothing except stir up more thoughts of frustration and make things fester, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be frustrated, and besides, who does? No one. I'm just trying to take everything in stride and remember that it doesn't take much for righteous anger or frustration to turn into bitter, hateful, worldly frustration or anger. Our focus is our students, not each other. We just have to learn how to connect with these students in a way that is helpful to them. And as staff, we need to learn how to connect with each other in order to dismiss some of the things that come up before we even encounter them. We need to learn how to keep our mouths shut, our ears open, and to have/keep a heart of understanding. We're all learning.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Blog Creeping

One of my favorite things to do when I'm at a computer with extra time is what I call 'blog creeping.' Its kind of like creeping on Facebook, but I don't actually know anyone whose blog I've across. Anyway, I go to my blog and click next blog. I read, click next blog, and so on. I've come across so many concepts, stories of joy, stories of hurt, and many others. It's so cool to see how different people are, and how they share what's on their mind via the world wide web =] Some of my favorite stories and posts are ones I read of people who live in the southern states of the U.S. There's just something about southern hospitality that warms my heart, and challenges me to be as warm as those who are in the stories.

I also recently went to the tracking page for my blog and was suprised to see that in the last few months the pageviews on my blog have exploded in numbers. I was also surprised to see that people from many different countries are letting me share my stories and posts with them. How cool! I think about what I've shared and hope that it made someone smile or helped them in a way that maybe I'll never know. But I don't need to know.

For those who read this blog, thank you for letting me share a tidbit of my life with you! And for those of you who are coming across it now, thank you for reading, I hope you come back to read more!
Thanks everyone, have a blessed day!

Broken Girl

I was sitting at work doing what I do, and this popped up in the right hand column on youtube. I had never heard it before so I thought I'd take a listen. I was shocked at how powerful this song is. There are so many girls out there that have been broken.
They need to know there's healing,  there's a man who won't hurt them, and a man who will be the love of their life.
They need to know they are beautiful gems created for a purpose, and they will always be beautiful.
They need to know they can give up their fight with the past, give it to someone else, and be free from it. They can be made whole again.

This song tells them that. If you know any girls that would benefit from hearing this song, please share it with them.

"Broken Girl" by Matthew West


Look what he's done to you - It isn't fair
Your light was bright and new - But he didn't care
He took the heart of a little girl - And made it grow up too fast

Now words like "innocence"- Don't mean a thing
You hear the music play - But you can't sing
Those pictures in your mind - Keep you locked up inside your past

This is a song for the broken girl - The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are - Hear me when I say - You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away - And you don't have to stay the broken girl

Those damaged goods you see - In your reflection
Love sees them differently - Love sees perfection
A beautiful display - Of healing on the way tonight - Tonight

This is a song for the broken girl - The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world -You are
Hear me when I say - You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away - And you don't have to stay the broken girl

Let your tears touch to the ground - Lay your shattered pieces down
And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl - And put her back together again

This is a song for the broken girl - The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world - You are
Hear me when I say - You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away - And you don't have to stay the broken girl

You don't have to stay the broken girl


Intentional Connections

God's grace continues to amaze me. It's hit me more in the past few weeks than it has in a while, but it has been a very eye opening experience. I'm realizing it more in the little things I've been doing; little things for Caleb, others, the tedious little jobs at the office, etc. Most of all though, I've been realizing it in the realm of ministry involvement.

The Tween ministry kicks off three weeks from tonight with a lock-in filled with crazy games, fun, food, and a chance for us staff to really get to know some of the students. Caleb and I planned the event, and when I talked to the director on Wednesday, she was just as excited as we were about the events getting underway. I can't wait to start! Youth group has also been going well. I forgot what it was like to be in middle/high school until I started to get to know some of our students better. Middle/high school is a crazy time, and as many times as students say adults don't understand them, I'm willing to admit that sometimes I don't even understand their issues. Praise God though, I've been able to answer some hard and deep questions only because I was trusting I would be given the words that the student(s) needed to hear, and I was. Getting to know some of the students and their parents has been fantastic, and it makes me thankful for the youth pastor I had growing up. He made a huge impact on me, whether it was a quick conversation, a question answered, or some tough love when I was out of line; he was honest, and didn't sugarcoat things. I intend to do the same with our students, because life is brutally honest, and nowhere near sugarcoated. These students teach me something everytime I get to lead small group, have a conversation, or am even around them, and I love that. It's so easy to just sit back and help instead of be intentional in your actions around these students. They're only a few simple years from being them same age as I am, but I've learned so much since high school, and being intentional is a way that I hope to relate even better to them. They are amazing, and I hope that each of them feel that way based on how our staff not only treats them, but ministers to them in words. Being able to share in their struggles, concerns, and even them giving us an insight into their worlds and minds is an awesome thing. I love the opportunities to be able to connect with these students.

The AWANA program is another ministry that I'm involved in, and I work with K-2nd grade. These children are more wonderful than I can explain. I've been learning so much from them, and learn more every single week. Seeing their face light up when they pass a section because of saying a Bible verse correctly is one of the coolest things. I'm so lucky for this opportunity to share in their learning, and be able to be there and see them smile, cry, have fun, and sometimes even be frustrated. Every emotion has a purpose, and it's a learning process on how to handle all the different emotions we encounter with these students. At the beginning of the club year we had a few very young students in our group, and verse time was challenging almost to a point of frustration. But, we kept plugging away at each section with these students, and week by week, a little more comfortable each time, they opened up, started talking more, and now even come to club prepared with a section to recite! One of the things I strive to do in my actions is show them that we are ecstatic that they are there. Whether it be a smile, a conversation, or a simple question, I try to let each of them know they matter and we are interested in their lives. I try to be as intentional as I can, even when its frustrating. These students come from all kinds of families, so I think we need to be as intentional as we can in everything we do during the short hour and half we have them each week. That, my friends, is more challenging that I ever would have thought. But I love working with them. Its brightens my day to see them in public, and even more so when they tug at the shirt of who they're with and tell them I'm their friend from club, or I help them at club. Some even run right over to give a hug. That makes it so worth it; to know that I've made such an impact that a student will willingly go out of their way to say hi. We can make a difference in these students' lives.

It has almost been too easy for me to be intentional in relationships with students, and challenging when I think about being intentional in other relationships. The ones that come to mind are mainly with my husband and family. How can I be intentional in my relationships with them to show them God's love and that they matter? We all know ways we can do that, but doing those actions or speaking those words are so much more challenging. We are around these people more, we know their stories, they may have hurt us, etc. And yet we are called to love them like Jesus loves us. We are called to show them the unconditional love of Christ. Easy? Of course not. But learning and growing is part of the amazing process that brings us not only closer to those involved in the relationships, but also Christ. He'll help us, we just have to take those steps. So, in my relationships at home, and around other family, friends, etc., the urge to be intentional will be there, I just have to act on it. Will you act on it too? I hope so.

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Days I Just Can't Win..

It's been an interesting few days. It was a great weekend, youth group went great, I got voted in as an intern at our church, and today was pretty good. However, in the past few days there have been some frustrations that I just haven't been able to shake. They've changed my attitude and mood, and that frustrates me even more. Tonight I found myself scouring the pages of my Bible for anything that hit home. I found quite a bit.

"Fear not, for I am with you, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous hand" -Isaiah 41:10

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" -Hebrews 11:1

"..you will seek Me and you will find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" -Jeremiah 29:13

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:7

Well, I guess these verses are for the days when it seems that I just can't win, like tonight, and last night. I don't understand whats going on, or why things happen the way the do. I don't know how everything will work for a positive outcome, and I don't always know how to react and sometimes don't react to situations in the way I should. But I believe what these verses say, and thats enough for me. Even when its hard.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Facebook Era

Hey all. I'm sitting here, diligently checking my Facebook for any news of my friend who is in labor. She went in yesterday, and still hasn't made much progress, so please keep her, her baby girl, and her husband in your prayers! In checking my Facebook every so often, I've had the same thought over and over; "as great of a tool as Facebook can be, how have we let it become one of our main tools and sources for information?!" And, really, we have.

Think about this: how often do we hear things like, "Is it Facebook official?!" or actually call someone to wish them a happy birthday, or even send them a card instead of shooting a message to their inbox via Facebook cyber world? Hardly ever. Not very long ago, we never would have even dreamed of the capabilities of the internet or social interaction websites. We had the postal system, then the telephone, then computers and internet, and cell phones... and everything keeps getting more complicated, but somehow making life easier for us. Probably too easy. Back to Facebook, here are a few staples of what we use it for that show how it has become such an important piece to many of our lives:
  • Employers use it not only for their institutions, but also to see what prospective employees (or current ones) are like outside of work
  • Relationships being 'official' only once they're changed on Facebook
  • Happy Birthday messages
  • "Poking" someone instead of just saying hello
  • Sending a message instead of a letter
  • Instant messaging while surfing the internet
  • The status feed: "everything that you need to know that happened since you logged on last"
  • Keeping in touch with relatives and friends
  • Announcements (i.e. births, deaths, achievements, etc.)
  • Electronically viewing picture albums (also known as "creeping on people".. haha)
  • Creating and inviting people to events (i.e. open houses, jewelry parties, birthday parties, etc.)
Did you know Facebook was originally intended as a social network system for college students? ..And then everyone got one.. individuals ranging anywhere from elementary age to grandparents. I bet you were nodding your head and laughing as you read that list. Thing is, we know its true. Whether thats a sad fact or not, is up to the individual, but think about this: what would we do if the internet ceased to exist? Would we lose contact with half of the people we interact with? Would we remeber people who we weren't very close to ten years from now? Who knows. My point is that Facebook has been made a part of many peoples' daily lives.

How can we use Facebook in good ways other than just keeping in touch with friends and family? The first way that pops into my mind is: ministry! Why? Because I use it when I'm in the youth office thinking about what we will be doing Sunday, or to shoot a student a message saying we missed them at youth group and hope to see them next week. Its crazy how we can use it as such a tool! We also have a youth group 'page' where we, as staff, post announcements, encouragement, reminders, etc., and students can post things also.

It has become so easy to interact with people without even being in the same place. Facebook is a fantastic thing, whether it be for keeping in touch, using it for business, activities, etc. I just think that we need to keep an eye on how long we spend with our attention consumed in these kinds of things. There are still plenty of things to do isntead of sit in front of a computer screen! Go outside, take a hike through some woods, go for a walk, a swim, a bikeride, etc.... and THEN we can come back and post a new album of pictures for people to creep on! Haha...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Spiders, Adventures, and Ministry

So, I'm sitting here eating soggy Ramen noodles and reading everyone else's new blog posts. I'm not sure how I managed to make my noodles soggy, but I will say that I didn't finish them because of that. Unappetizing. I bet you're hungry now ;) Ha, anyway, so today has been interesting. Why? Well, my husband woke me up with a phone call asking what a brown recluse spider looks like, I got to talk to my dad to wish him a happy birthday, I worked in the church office for a bit, and I got to see a friend who just got back from a crazy around-the-world adventure. Ready for explanations..? Hope so.

That phone call from my husband.. well, for one, I was asleep, and when my phone started blaring it scared me enough that I about jumped out of bed. He asked what the recluses look like, and my typical response to his question was to ask why. He then told me that him and his boss found a spider at the shop, captured it, and left if locked in the shop... in a Gatorade bottle. Ha. So, I hopped online to look up brown recluses. (I don't mind spiders, as long as they're not on me, so thats why he called to ask. I'm also an advocate that if a spider isn't hurting you, leave it alone. They are great bug patrol, as they eat many bugs that we don't want around.) What I found was this: in Michigan, we aren't likely to encounter a brown recluse because they are mainly found in desert areas, and much further south in the U.S. Five sure characteristics of a brown recluse are: six eyes (instead of eight like most other spiders) in pairs of two (that means two rows with four columns), no spines on their LONG legs (hair - yes - but no spines), uniformly colored legs, a body no more than 3/8" in length, and a solid colored abdomen. If you find a spider that you think is a brown recluse, check these five characteristics, because it is most likely not a recluse, and they are hard to identify due to the fact that there are many different types. Also, on many recluses, they have violin shaped markings. So, at the end of this explanation, we come to the conclusion that the spider they found was not a recluse, because it had red on its legs =] Mystery solved, but here's the link to a great website with good information about spiders if you ever have any questions:
spiderzrule.com

Wellll, as I said earlier, its my Dad's birthday! =] I won't tell you how old he is, but I will tell you that he is an amazing man. So amazing, that I held true to the saying about how the man a girl marries has big shoes to fill because he has to take up the role of taking care of her. Not many girls can say that these days, and I am proud to be one of the girls that can say that! Happy Birthday Dad, I love you! <3

Today I got to see a good friend of mine, and an amazing woman. She has an awesome testimony and is chasing after God with everything she is. She and a friend from college recently went on an adventure across the country chasing God. They wanted to serve people, love people, get closer to God, and experience His will in taking care of them like never before. I was only able to listen to her stories and talk to her for about an hour, but in that one hour she told amazing stories about God's grace, provision, and ability. She is on fire like never before - and that is so cool to see. They traveled for just over a month, saw nineteen states, and were able to take part in some really cool experiences. She had the opportunity to witness to someone on the streets in San Francisco for multiple hours, and TOOK IT! There were many sharing opportunities seized, and much growth as a result of that. Praise God for these experiences!  They took many pictures and some videos, and are working on making a movie from them as soon as possible. Please pray for these two women as they just returned from their trip, and will be adjusting to a normal life yet again. Also, pray that their experiences from their trip will not stop impacting them even though their trip is over.

It's Wednesday! That means its AWANA night! In about two hours I will be helping get stuff ready for check in, and then be listening to Bible verses, stories, singing the Sparks song, and playing some crazy games with K-2nd graders =] and I will love every second of it! I thoroughly enjoy helping in our Wednesday nights ministries. Seeing the lives of children impacted is one of the greatest and most rewarding things. Please pray for these students! Our unit is fruit of the Spirit right now, and they seem to be liking it - I just hope they're learning also. Two hours.. and counting down.. ;)

Anyway, I guess its time to toss the rest of my soggy noodles..  Have a good night!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Christians Compared to Pumpkins

I saw this quote a few minutes ago reading through my news feed on Facebook (what a fantastic tool Facebook is, let me tell you!). It sounds funny, but its applicable, and true.
A woman was asked by her coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" She replied, "Its like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off you.  Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes all doubt, hate and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you for all the world to see!"
What do you think? Neat analogy, huh? If you've ever thought you couldn't be compared to a pumpkin, I guess you're wrong.. haha. But think about it, its true! God picks us, brings us to Him, washes us, removes things from our lives, molds us into who He created us to be, and puts His light inside us for the whole world to see. How fantastic is that?! But it doesn't just stop there - He continues His work in us. Philippians 1:6 - Being confident of this, that He who created a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ. Once we are His, He does all those things mentioned above, and then changes our lives dramatically. He continues working on us, our lives, relationships, hearts, etc., and won't stop. We can push Him away, ignore Him, try to run, but He's always there with us - because we are His. He picked us! In Psalm 139 David writes about how God knew him when he was "wrought in the lowest places of the earth," and when he was in his mothers womb, God knew every day of his life before he was even born. God knows us, loves us, and chose us.

Being a Christian is like a pumpkin! Who would've thought..

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sick Pictures (Pun Intended)

You know when you go to the doctor and they tell you that they're sending your tests to the lab, and they'll call you back if anything comes up? And you know that sinking feeling in your stomach when your cell phone goes off and the screen tells you that its someone from the doctors office? Yeah, I got that sinking feeling yesterday afternoon when my phone went off, and it was the doctor. Come to find out, I really didn't have strep, but some other infection that they don't see often. I was told to immediately stop taking my current antibiotic, and that they would write me a new prescription. Sooo after a weekend of thinking I was getting better and starting to feel better, I was unhappy to find out that I hadn't been getting better, and was in fact contagious the whole time, because whatever I had was immune to the first antibiotic I was on. I guess thats why I felt worse yesterday morning when I woke up, and why I left class early today. Oh well. I just hope the new stuff they gave me works fast!

To brighten my mood, I tagged along last night when Caleb drove up north to do some yard work for one of his customers. I'll go with him to help occasionally, but yesterday I took my camera and a book instead (by Caleb's suggestion!). I did help with some of the work, but the majority of my time was spent taking pictures. The "cottage" (biggest cottage I've ever seen!) is complete with a separate guest house, hot tub, and a trail of stairs leading to the dunes and a few hundred yard walk to beautiful Lake Michigan. I was hoping to get some pictures of the changing trees along the lake, but the shoreline was lined with green trees instead of the yellows, oranges, and reds like I had hoped. I was still able to get some gorgeous pictures of the lake and such though, so I was happy.

Here are a few of my favorites =)