Tonight we got together with some of our high school girls for some ice cream and chit chat but decided to call it a night as a few rain drops started falling. They soon stopped, but as I turned the corner for home I couldn't help be drawn to the sight in front of me; as one side of the sky was being overcome by dark rain clouds, the other side was splashed hot pink and orange. I passed the corner that would take me home and headed straight down the avenue toward the beach. The white lighthouse stood out like a monument against the sky that was quickly changing colors. As the rain clouds got darker, the hot pink and orange became deep red mixed with orange, light pink, and a soft yellow. None of the pictures I took on my phone could do the sight justice. I stood there for a moment thinking how beautiful this place is. People travel from all over just to be here for a weekend, and I get to live here. My house is two miles from the beach.. I started wondering how I had not grown up with these sights, but I then remembered waking up to the most beautiful sunbursts, visible across the fields, and I didn't even have to get out of bed to enjoy them. Yes, I was spoiled, and I still am, there is beauty all around me. There is beauty all around you too, you just may have to look harder to see, feel, or know it.
As I walked to my car, I let the wind take my hair as it whipped up and around my face. My light loose shirt was blowing like a blanket left on a clothesline through a storm, and I could feel the rain coming. The air hung heavy around me, and may have felt suffocating had it been ten degrees warmer. It wrapped around my skin like a warm blanket and reminded me how much I love summer nights. Some days I wish we had more than three months of summer here.
So I sit here now listening to the thunder and thinking how today was a wonderful end to a wonderful month. So much has happened and there is so much ahead for next month. I just finished up my first week of training at my new job. Yes, God provided yet again! We knew He would, it was just in His time. I was offered a position, and jumped at the opportunity. I love to be around people, and love to see many of them a day. It was originally on my radar since I started looking in April, but nothing came about until about two weeks ago. It has been a great first few days and I'm excited to see how it will continue to go.
We currently have family here from out of state also. They come once a summer and we always enjoy their time here. We saw them in January for our godson's baptism, and were excited to welcome them back when they arrived early Sunday morning. It will be good to get to spend some time with them again. Also, this weekend my grandparents are hopefully going to be here. We really hope they can make the trip, and are super excited to welcome them back to town. They came for our wedding last summer, so we would love for them to come again. We even have a house to show them this time ;) and it would be great to be able to spend some time with them.
Next on the radar is a family reunion. My moms side of the family is Hungarian, and is it ever huge! Thankfully we wear name tags, because I don't know who half the people at the reunions are (but seriously, who does know all the people at family reunions?!) Then there's a trip to Cedar Point with the youth group. I grew up going to CP every summer with my youth group, and its exciting to get to go with my sister now. I always promised we'd get to go together sometime, and now is our chance, so we're grabbing it :) It will be a blast.
As for the rest of the month, one of my best friends is celebrating her 21st Birthday, and we'll see whatever else gets thrown at us. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but I usually do. I'll be back anyway.
Well I hope you have a great day/night, or whatever time it is where you are ;)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Forgiven
Today is an ordinary day. I came home from VBS, saw Caleb, grabbed some lunch and then sat down to finish up some reading for our Bible study tonight. Each week we've been pursuing God through His Word, and have been reading a book titled the Christian Atheist, by Craig Groeschel, and discussing what we read. The book is different than any Christian writing I have ever read. It contains page after page of examples about how we say we believe in God, but live as if He doesn't exist. Live as if He doesn't exist... that includes thoughts, attitude, actions, lack of trust, and so much more. The chapter that I just finished is titled, "When You Believe in God but Won't Forgive."
You can imagine how I cringed when I saw the chapter heading. In the past eight months two separate men have hurt me. I'm not going to go into detail, but know this: I never would have expected to be hurt by either of these men, let alone the way I was hurt. I crushed, had a broken spirit, and no remaining trust for either of them. The trust will take a very very long time to regain, but I have forgiven them. I forgave one a long time ago, and the other recently. I struggled to find forgiveness. Each time something new happened, it made me hate the individual even more. It didn't help that I had to work with one of them, in a church, of all places. But I do believe that helped the healing process. What was our job? Ministry. We're taught to love our enemies, forgive each other, and pray for those who wrong us, and I desperately tried. I would come home most days in tears to a husband who continually encouraged me, despite his frustration with the same person. So when working with this person in ministry, it was hard. I tried to love him like Christ did, I tried to set aside the hurt, I tried and tried and tried. But I became bitter. In Groeschel's book, he wrote; "Love keeps no record of wrongs, but bitterness keeps detailed accounts," and as hard as I tried for it not to be true of me, it was. I tried to forgive, but it kept happening; I tried to move on, but the wounds kept being reopened; I tried to love him, but he kept hurting. I almost gave up my job. It was then that I finally decided to let God have it all.
The ongoing thoughts that he needed grace from me as much as I need grace from Christ kept me going. Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." I had been going about it all wrong. I had been trying to fix it myself, when I should've let God take control all along. In my desperation, I had neglected taking my broken self to the feet of the man who would never hurt me. After I did, things started looking up. No, I didn't trust him, but it was harder to hate him and easier to give him grace. That created a spiral effect upwards, and I started praying for him. I didn't want to, but I knew I needed to. At first the prayers were short and were about the both of us, but gradually shifted to be about him and his growth, life, safety, etc. I was amazed. Not only was it even harder to hate him, but I felt God changing me as well. I didn't want to like him, I didn't want anything to do with him. If he seemed to be walking towards me, I just seemed to casually have something else to do all of a sudden. But, I did forgive him, and it did take a while. God's grace is the only way I was able to though.
Groeschel told his own story of forgiving a man who molested his sister. He recalled being 'torn between wanting to obey God and wanting just as much to continue hating.' But he made the choice to forgive, he made the choice to obey Scripture. How often do we think of it that way? Some say all the time, others may not. We're told to forgive each other, because its the right thing to do. But Christians seem to hold each other to a higher standard. 'They should have known better,' or 'How can they make that mistake and claim to be 'in Christ?'' we may say. But here's the thing; we're human! We're growing, we're not perfect, and yes, we make mistakes. Christ died on the cross for our mistakes, before He even knew us. We're forgiven, and we're called to forgive. Whether we like it or not :)
All that to say, a little more healing was done today. I encourage you to read the Christian Atheist, even if you don't think you need to. There's something in there for everyone, whether it be a laugh, a cry, a profound life-changing realization, etc., it wouldn't do anyone harm to read it. My final thoughts for this post are the final sentences of the chapter on forgiveness;
You can imagine how I cringed when I saw the chapter heading. In the past eight months two separate men have hurt me. I'm not going to go into detail, but know this: I never would have expected to be hurt by either of these men, let alone the way I was hurt. I crushed, had a broken spirit, and no remaining trust for either of them. The trust will take a very very long time to regain, but I have forgiven them. I forgave one a long time ago, and the other recently. I struggled to find forgiveness. Each time something new happened, it made me hate the individual even more. It didn't help that I had to work with one of them, in a church, of all places. But I do believe that helped the healing process. What was our job? Ministry. We're taught to love our enemies, forgive each other, and pray for those who wrong us, and I desperately tried. I would come home most days in tears to a husband who continually encouraged me, despite his frustration with the same person. So when working with this person in ministry, it was hard. I tried to love him like Christ did, I tried to set aside the hurt, I tried and tried and tried. But I became bitter. In Groeschel's book, he wrote; "Love keeps no record of wrongs, but bitterness keeps detailed accounts," and as hard as I tried for it not to be true of me, it was. I tried to forgive, but it kept happening; I tried to move on, but the wounds kept being reopened; I tried to love him, but he kept hurting. I almost gave up my job. It was then that I finally decided to let God have it all.
The ongoing thoughts that he needed grace from me as much as I need grace from Christ kept me going. Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." I had been going about it all wrong. I had been trying to fix it myself, when I should've let God take control all along. In my desperation, I had neglected taking my broken self to the feet of the man who would never hurt me. After I did, things started looking up. No, I didn't trust him, but it was harder to hate him and easier to give him grace. That created a spiral effect upwards, and I started praying for him. I didn't want to, but I knew I needed to. At first the prayers were short and were about the both of us, but gradually shifted to be about him and his growth, life, safety, etc. I was amazed. Not only was it even harder to hate him, but I felt God changing me as well. I didn't want to like him, I didn't want anything to do with him. If he seemed to be walking towards me, I just seemed to casually have something else to do all of a sudden. But, I did forgive him, and it did take a while. God's grace is the only way I was able to though.
Groeschel told his own story of forgiving a man who molested his sister. He recalled being 'torn between wanting to obey God and wanting just as much to continue hating.' But he made the choice to forgive, he made the choice to obey Scripture. How often do we think of it that way? Some say all the time, others may not. We're told to forgive each other, because its the right thing to do. But Christians seem to hold each other to a higher standard. 'They should have known better,' or 'How can they make that mistake and claim to be 'in Christ?'' we may say. But here's the thing; we're human! We're growing, we're not perfect, and yes, we make mistakes. Christ died on the cross for our mistakes, before He even knew us. We're forgiven, and we're called to forgive. Whether we like it or not :)
All that to say, a little more healing was done today. I encourage you to read the Christian Atheist, even if you don't think you need to. There's something in there for everyone, whether it be a laugh, a cry, a profound life-changing realization, etc., it wouldn't do anyone harm to read it. My final thoughts for this post are the final sentences of the chapter on forgiveness;
"We Christian Atheists can rationalize as many excuses as we need to avoid forgiving. We Christians, however, can find in God the sheer strength to battle through the feelings of anger, hatred, and bitterness, and fight our way back to the cross. That's where Christ forgave us. And that's where, by faith, we can find the ability to forgive those who've wronged us."
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Hard To Love
I've been procrastinating on writing this post for a long time. I just can't seem to find the right words to say. I know exactly what I want to say, but this is one of those times when I worry about how readers will read this post. Crazy? Not really. I know many people who have felt or feel the same way, and hey, we're only human.
Something I have been struggling with lately is loving in general. Yes, I love my husband, family, God, others, and (yes, I'll say it...) tourists. But sometimes showing it is completely different. I think its safe to say that we all have days when we just feel crummy, grumpy, or non social. In those days I've found it either incredibly hard to show not only kindness and love to people, but also Christ's love, or have just found myself apathetic. I do not want to live and apathetic life at all, but on those days I've found myself feeling worse about how I come across.
Upon feeling all those things, it really makes me think. If, as Christians, we are to reflect the love of Christ, why is it so darn hard? Of course I know the answer; because we're human, and have a sin nature. Becoming more like Christ is a journey, a process of growth that is always happening. I've come to the conclusion that loving is sometimes a very conscious choice; especially if we are choosing to reflect the love of Christ. Why? Because its not always easy..
Here's an example; how a couple treats each other. Those days when we feel crummy (well, any day really) it's a lot easier to snap at your partner than to be calm and patient. But, it can be so hard to take that breath and smile while you're calm and patient. Its engrained in us, the concept of self-gratification, leading us to want what we want, when we want it, and not always care about others in the process of obtaining it. It's hard to love when its includes serving, giving, and putting others first.
All in all, the thing I have found most profound in all my thoughts and days scouring the pages of my Bible, is that loving is a very conscious choice. It's stopping and thinking before acting and speaking that helps volumes. Remembering that we reflect the God of the universe, and the people we are around are made in Christ's image just like we are. They're human, and trying their best just like we are, so we need to give them a break. When we saw them last month in concert, Mike Donehey, lead singer of the band Tenth Avenue North, said something like this;
But the question is, will we?
Something I have been struggling with lately is loving in general. Yes, I love my husband, family, God, others, and (yes, I'll say it...) tourists. But sometimes showing it is completely different. I think its safe to say that we all have days when we just feel crummy, grumpy, or non social. In those days I've found it either incredibly hard to show not only kindness and love to people, but also Christ's love, or have just found myself apathetic. I do not want to live and apathetic life at all, but on those days I've found myself feeling worse about how I come across.
Upon feeling all those things, it really makes me think. If, as Christians, we are to reflect the love of Christ, why is it so darn hard? Of course I know the answer; because we're human, and have a sin nature. Becoming more like Christ is a journey, a process of growth that is always happening. I've come to the conclusion that loving is sometimes a very conscious choice; especially if we are choosing to reflect the love of Christ. Why? Because its not always easy..
Here's an example; how a couple treats each other. Those days when we feel crummy (well, any day really) it's a lot easier to snap at your partner than to be calm and patient. But, it can be so hard to take that breath and smile while you're calm and patient. Its engrained in us, the concept of self-gratification, leading us to want what we want, when we want it, and not always care about others in the process of obtaining it. It's hard to love when its includes serving, giving, and putting others first.
All in all, the thing I have found most profound in all my thoughts and days scouring the pages of my Bible, is that loving is a very conscious choice. It's stopping and thinking before acting and speaking that helps volumes. Remembering that we reflect the God of the universe, and the people we are around are made in Christ's image just like we are. They're human, and trying their best just like we are, so we need to give them a break. When we saw them last month in concert, Mike Donehey, lead singer of the band Tenth Avenue North, said something like this;
"Do you really love people? How do you forgive, what's your attitude? When you're around people and they hurt you, and you forgive them, whats your attitude? Friends, your attitude of forgiveness, and love; that is evidence if you have truly been changed by the love of Christ."And it still sticks out in my mind. I can tell you exactly where I was sitting, where he was standing, the weather, the crowd, etc.; the details of what was around me, when he spoke those words. It wasn't a guilt trip, it was a challenge to us. Do we really, consciously love? For me, it's sometimes hard, as I'm sure it is for others. But, to be honest with ourselves and our Maker, we want to love like He does. We want to reflect His love to those who may not know Him.
But the question is, will we?
Monday, July 9, 2012
Hope For The Voiceless - To End Human Trafficking
Hope For The Voiceless is all about ending human trafficking. If you wonder how small things can change people and change our world, please check out the links below. I've had the privilege of hearing about things they're doing first hand, as one of my closest friends is a part of this organization. They not only change lives, but are changed individually by their experiences. I've read some pretty amazing stories/posts/etc., and would love for you to read them too.
Check out the links below to find out more:
Faceook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Hope-for-the-Voiceless/163333540382557
Blog: http://hopeforthevoiceless.tumblr.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/hopeftv
Official Website: http://hopeforthevoiceless.org/
Check out the links below to find out more:
Faceook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Hope-for-the-Voiceless/163333540382557
Blog: http://hopeforthevoiceless.tumblr.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/hopeftv
Official Website: http://hopeforthevoiceless.org/
Friday, July 6, 2012
Family & Summertime
To be honest, I just haven't felt like writing lately. I have so much to tell, but the energy and frame of mind to do so seems to have passed me by :/ I'll do my best to fill you in, so much has happened. There may be mulitple posts to fill you in though.. haha.
After spending the afternoon with my mom and sister, Caleb took me out to one of my favorite places for dinner on my birthday. We went to a famous little restaurant in a tiny tourist town about ten miles south of where we live. They have amazing food and the town is simply gorgeous - we don't get to go there enough. It was truly a good day and I felt blessed to have over one hundred people wish me a happy birthday via social media, phone calls, etc.
Two days later at 7am I got a phone call that scared me to tears. My great-grandma, one of my best friends, was being taken by ambulance to the ER for congestive heart failure. I assumed the worst, talked to Caleb, and threw a bag together that would last me a week away from home. I got everything ready for the Tween Event I was supposed to head that night, and explained to the children's ministry director that I wasn't able to stay. I then got in the car and made the three and a half hour drive to my hometown. On the way there I was notified that she was being transfered to a hospital about an hour away from town, but she was stable. Slightly eased, I met a friend for lunch and to fill him in, dropped my dog off, and headed for the hospital. In the four days I was in that area, I have never seen my great grandma so.. helpless. She could've done so many things, but it hurt my heart to see her sitting there in the hospital bed. She was never one to be idle, and liked to keep herself busy. So for her to be able to do nothing except sit in the hospital and have everyone else do things for her was hard. After almost a week of being there, they released her and it was decided that she would go be with my parents and sister for a while. This has been an adjustment both for her and my parents and sister, but everything is going well. It's great to have her just a half hour away instead of three and half hours away :)
Since we got back from the other side of the state, it has been unusually hot and humid. I can handle it being warm, I mean, hey - I grew up here, I'm used to it being hot. But I guess our unusually warm winter led to an unusually warm summer and I'm not a fan. It has been between 95 and 100 with full humidity this whole week. Thats a bit too warm for me :) But it has been fun anyway. Quite a few people from Caleb's side of the family are here from Texas, so we had a barbeque at our house on the 4th and invited both sides of the family. It was a blast, and the kids (randing from 20 mo. to seven years old) kept everyone on their toes. Ohhhhh I can't wait until we have a few of our own running around the house :) We also got to go to an art fair, which was fantastic. There's an art fair here every year on the weekend of the 4th, so I always look forward to going and seeing all the neat stuff. Well, this year my favorite things were the ceramic fired -anythings- which were in abundance, and all so gorgeous!
My last thing for this post is to share my exciteement that we are finally able to get our kayaks out on the river :) We've been to the lake a few times so far, but it's tradition to kayak the river on the 4th of July. This year we didn't get to do it on the 4th, but we were lucky enough to get a few tickets for this weekend. We won't have as many people as usual, but it'll definitely be great to get out onto the river again, and this time a brand new section that we haven't done before. I guess the section we're doing this time is wider and more shallow than usual. I'm not a huge fan of deep rivers, because I usually can't see the bottom and that just creeps me out.. haha. So a new, more shallow stretch of river will be a fun new adventure.
After spending the afternoon with my mom and sister, Caleb took me out to one of my favorite places for dinner on my birthday. We went to a famous little restaurant in a tiny tourist town about ten miles south of where we live. They have amazing food and the town is simply gorgeous - we don't get to go there enough. It was truly a good day and I felt blessed to have over one hundred people wish me a happy birthday via social media, phone calls, etc.
Two days later at 7am I got a phone call that scared me to tears. My great-grandma, one of my best friends, was being taken by ambulance to the ER for congestive heart failure. I assumed the worst, talked to Caleb, and threw a bag together that would last me a week away from home. I got everything ready for the Tween Event I was supposed to head that night, and explained to the children's ministry director that I wasn't able to stay. I then got in the car and made the three and a half hour drive to my hometown. On the way there I was notified that she was being transfered to a hospital about an hour away from town, but she was stable. Slightly eased, I met a friend for lunch and to fill him in, dropped my dog off, and headed for the hospital. In the four days I was in that area, I have never seen my great grandma so.. helpless. She could've done so many things, but it hurt my heart to see her sitting there in the hospital bed. She was never one to be idle, and liked to keep herself busy. So for her to be able to do nothing except sit in the hospital and have everyone else do things for her was hard. After almost a week of being there, they released her and it was decided that she would go be with my parents and sister for a while. This has been an adjustment both for her and my parents and sister, but everything is going well. It's great to have her just a half hour away instead of three and half hours away :)
Since we got back from the other side of the state, it has been unusually hot and humid. I can handle it being warm, I mean, hey - I grew up here, I'm used to it being hot. But I guess our unusually warm winter led to an unusually warm summer and I'm not a fan. It has been between 95 and 100 with full humidity this whole week. Thats a bit too warm for me :) But it has been fun anyway. Quite a few people from Caleb's side of the family are here from Texas, so we had a barbeque at our house on the 4th and invited both sides of the family. It was a blast, and the kids (randing from 20 mo. to seven years old) kept everyone on their toes. Ohhhhh I can't wait until we have a few of our own running around the house :) We also got to go to an art fair, which was fantastic. There's an art fair here every year on the weekend of the 4th, so I always look forward to going and seeing all the neat stuff. Well, this year my favorite things were the ceramic fired -anythings- which were in abundance, and all so gorgeous!
My last thing for this post is to share my exciteement that we are finally able to get our kayaks out on the river :) We've been to the lake a few times so far, but it's tradition to kayak the river on the 4th of July. This year we didn't get to do it on the 4th, but we were lucky enough to get a few tickets for this weekend. We won't have as many people as usual, but it'll definitely be great to get out onto the river again, and this time a brand new section that we haven't done before. I guess the section we're doing this time is wider and more shallow than usual. I'm not a huge fan of deep rivers, because I usually can't see the bottom and that just creeps me out.. haha. So a new, more shallow stretch of river will be a fun new adventure.
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