Hard To Love

I've been procrastinating on writing this post for a long time. I just can't seem to find the right words to say. I know exactly what I want to say, but this is one of those times when I worry about how readers will read this post. Crazy? Not really. I know many people who have felt or feel the same way, and hey, we're only human.

Something I have been struggling with lately is loving in general. Yes, I love my husband, family, God, others, and (yes, I'll say it...) tourists. But sometimes showing it is completely different. I think its safe to say that we all have days when we just feel crummy, grumpy, or non social. In those days I've found it either incredibly hard to show not only kindness and love to people, but also Christ's love, or have just found myself apathetic. I do not want to live and apathetic life at all, but on those days I've found myself feeling worse about how I come across.

Upon feeling all those things, it really makes me think. If, as Christians, we are to reflect the love of Christ, why is it so darn hard? Of course I know the answer; because we're human, and have a sin nature. Becoming more like Christ is a journey, a process of growth that is always happening. I've come to the conclusion that loving is sometimes a very conscious choice; especially if we are choosing to reflect the love of Christ. Why? Because its not always easy..

Here's an example; how a couple treats each other. Those days when we feel crummy (well, any day really) it's a lot easier to snap at your partner than to be calm and patient. But, it can be so hard to take that breath and smile while you're calm and patient. Its engrained in us, the concept of self-gratification, leading us to want what we want, when we want it, and not always care about others in the process of obtaining it. It's hard to love when its includes serving, giving, and putting others first.

All in all, the thing I have found most profound in all my thoughts and days scouring the pages of my Bible, is that loving is a very conscious choice. It's stopping and thinking before acting and speaking that helps volumes. Remembering that we reflect the God of the universe, and the people we are around are made in Christ's image just like we are. They're human, and trying their best just like we are, so we need to give them a break. When we saw them last month in concert, Mike Donehey, lead singer of the band Tenth Avenue North, said something like this;

"Do you really love people? How do you forgive, what's your attitude? When you're around people and they hurt you, and you forgive them, whats your attitude? Friends, your attitude of forgiveness, and love; that is evidence if you have truly been changed by the love of Christ." 

And it still sticks out in my mind. I can tell you exactly where I was sitting, where he was standing, the weather, the crowd, etc.; the details of what was around me, when he spoke those words. It wasn't a guilt trip, it was a challenge to us. Do we really, consciously love? For me, it's sometimes hard, as I'm sure it is for others. But, to be honest with ourselves and our Maker, we want to love like He does. We want to reflect His love to those who may not know Him.

But the question is, will we?