"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans of peace, and not of evil. To give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me, and will go and pray to me. And I will answer you. And you will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart."
Crazy how these verses keep coming up in my blog, but I think they're important. For me, they're huge. I struggle so much with God's will for my life and whats going to happen. Right now its about school, summer, relationships... just life in general. I haven't a clue whats going on, and sometimes that feeling drives me nuts. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making things too complicated though.. If God knows the plans He has for me, says He'll answer me, and will find Him, whats my issue? The part about searching for Him with all my heart. I think as Christians we sometimes get into this mindset that 'we love Jesus, Jesus loves us, we're good', and I know I often do. I want to search with all my heart but it just seems like life gets in the way. Stuff comes up, and I find myself wondering why I'm not finding God and then seem to answer myself instantly with 'ALL your heart..'. Stuff: strange relationships, friends, work, school, social stuff... and the list goes on.
The other crazy thing is that I'm not sure if in all of this I'm searching for God or something else.. Some days are hard. I'll have one thing on my mind all day, knowing its ridiculous, and then the next be focused on God. Its hit or miss really.
I don't know why I'm writing this.. I hope it makes sense. I'm tired, have a religion paper to write, and its almost 1:40... fantastic. Guess I had a fever and had to write, maybe someone will get what I mean. Sometimes I don't write the full meaning of things down.. I guess tonight was one of those times. I don't even know if I know the full meaning of whats going on in my head right now. We'll see what happens. Now about that religion paper..
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
New Places and Faces
Most kids have dreams for when they graduate; go to college, get out on their own, go have a different life, and get away from a lot of things they've known for 18 years. I was one of them. I graduated in May and moved out during the summer. I moved 3 hours west to the other side of the state. Its great here and I love it. People are more laid back, and generally nicer. I got away from what I needed to for the most part, and everything seemed cool. It was such a nice change and I know I really needed it, really needed a fresh start I guess you could say.
My motives for moving out may have been a bit skewed though... I was frustrated with things going on in my church, frustrated with life at home, and frustrated with relationships that I knew weren't pleasing to God. So I basically ran from everything (which isn't the best thing to do with your problems). It took numerous trips back and forth to get everything here and to get myself settled. I still have a lot of stuff left at the old house, which I have no idea what I'm going to do with, but I've lived here for about 7 months now. Overall its been a great seven months and God has truly blessed me.
If you've ever heard the song Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks, thats kinda how things went, except my parents didn't drive away because I drove myself. Anyway. We always came here as a family one week every summer as a vacation. It was awesome and the whole family loved it. When it came time for me to pick colleges, I had a few picked out, and the one I'm going to wasn't one of them. My grandpa told me I could live here, so I figured it would save lots of money and took him up on the offer. I needed to experience new things and get out on my own, so that was also a pretty cool opportunity sitting right out in the open for me. I've always loved doing new things and meeting new people, and since I've moved over here, I've done both. I've met so many new people its crazy, and I've done more new things that I never thought I'd do in I don't know how long. Its been an awesome seven months =]
Even though its been awesome, everyone has their ups and downs, right? Well, I almost feel like I ought to be done doing new and spontaneous things. As much as I love them, and although people may not notice, new things scare me to death. I found a home church for Wednesdays, but for Sundays I'm between two churches. Both have amazing worship and the pastors love God and are committed to preaching His Word. However, one is more laid back in teaching, yet straight forward, and the other is more of what you'd expect a Sunday sermon to be. The youth at the first one aren't terribly friendly, only a few have talked to me, but the youth at the second are friendly and I've had at least two or three talk to me every time I've went there. The second also has a Sunday School class for college age students. I kept telling myself I needed to find a new church when I got here that was altogether different from the one I used to go to. Well, I did (the first one mentioned), but it just didn't seem to be what I needed. So, all said and done, I'm most likely going to end up at the second one for the majority of Sunday services.
Upon graduating, I had dreams of moving somewhere, going to college, finding prince charming, getting married,..and having a life. I realized that even though that has happened to some people, it doesn't seem like God's plan for me right now. I got here and was so anxious that my head wasn't one straight and I screwed up. It wasn't that bad, but I had worked myself up, and when I realized what I did I felt like an idiot. I realized how much fun I'm having being able to go out with friends and do just whatever without having to answer to someone. I'm not being wild or anything, but things would be different if I wasn't single. Although, when I do get into a relationship I won't mind not doing some of the stuff. My point is to live and have fun without worrying about it... and I realized that after a while and it made so much sense.
Overall, I love it here... but I almost want to be done with new things in a way. These past 7 months have given me so many new things that are swirling around in my head, that they sometimes make me dizzy. I keep saying enough with new things, and I was thinking about moving out west (frivolous, I know, but it would be cool if I could support myself fully), and how neat of a new experience that would be. Its like I love new experiences, but when they get here I have to step back and look at what I got myself into... haha. One new experience that I'm psyched to see if I get to have, is counseling at Lake Ann. This would be altogether new, but I really feel thats where God wants me.. and I know it would be an absolutely awesome experience. We'll see what happens.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this made sense to anyone, but if it did, I'm glad.. Life is crazy, but it is what it is sometimes. Its fun though =] and I'm excited to see what happens.
My motives for moving out may have been a bit skewed though... I was frustrated with things going on in my church, frustrated with life at home, and frustrated with relationships that I knew weren't pleasing to God. So I basically ran from everything (which isn't the best thing to do with your problems). It took numerous trips back and forth to get everything here and to get myself settled. I still have a lot of stuff left at the old house, which I have no idea what I'm going to do with, but I've lived here for about 7 months now. Overall its been a great seven months and God has truly blessed me.
If you've ever heard the song Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks, thats kinda how things went, except my parents didn't drive away because I drove myself. Anyway. We always came here as a family one week every summer as a vacation. It was awesome and the whole family loved it. When it came time for me to pick colleges, I had a few picked out, and the one I'm going to wasn't one of them. My grandpa told me I could live here, so I figured it would save lots of money and took him up on the offer. I needed to experience new things and get out on my own, so that was also a pretty cool opportunity sitting right out in the open for me. I've always loved doing new things and meeting new people, and since I've moved over here, I've done both. I've met so many new people its crazy, and I've done more new things that I never thought I'd do in I don't know how long. Its been an awesome seven months =]
Even though its been awesome, everyone has their ups and downs, right? Well, I almost feel like I ought to be done doing new and spontaneous things. As much as I love them, and although people may not notice, new things scare me to death. I found a home church for Wednesdays, but for Sundays I'm between two churches. Both have amazing worship and the pastors love God and are committed to preaching His Word. However, one is more laid back in teaching, yet straight forward, and the other is more of what you'd expect a Sunday sermon to be. The youth at the first one aren't terribly friendly, only a few have talked to me, but the youth at the second are friendly and I've had at least two or three talk to me every time I've went there. The second also has a Sunday School class for college age students. I kept telling myself I needed to find a new church when I got here that was altogether different from the one I used to go to. Well, I did (the first one mentioned), but it just didn't seem to be what I needed. So, all said and done, I'm most likely going to end up at the second one for the majority of Sunday services.
Upon graduating, I had dreams of moving somewhere, going to college, finding prince charming, getting married,..and having a life. I realized that even though that has happened to some people, it doesn't seem like God's plan for me right now. I got here and was so anxious that my head wasn't one straight and I screwed up. It wasn't that bad, but I had worked myself up, and when I realized what I did I felt like an idiot. I realized how much fun I'm having being able to go out with friends and do just whatever without having to answer to someone. I'm not being wild or anything, but things would be different if I wasn't single. Although, when I do get into a relationship I won't mind not doing some of the stuff. My point is to live and have fun without worrying about it... and I realized that after a while and it made so much sense.
Overall, I love it here... but I almost want to be done with new things in a way. These past 7 months have given me so many new things that are swirling around in my head, that they sometimes make me dizzy. I keep saying enough with new things, and I was thinking about moving out west (frivolous, I know, but it would be cool if I could support myself fully), and how neat of a new experience that would be. Its like I love new experiences, but when they get here I have to step back and look at what I got myself into... haha. One new experience that I'm psyched to see if I get to have, is counseling at Lake Ann. This would be altogether new, but I really feel thats where God wants me.. and I know it would be an absolutely awesome experience. We'll see what happens.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this made sense to anyone, but if it did, I'm glad.. Life is crazy, but it is what it is sometimes. Its fun though =] and I'm excited to see what happens.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Simplicity
Ok, so.
I was just reading someones blog and realized how I needed to write in mine.. I haven't written in way too long. There's been a few times since my last entry that I've said 'I should write today! ....nah,..' so I didn't. But one of the blogs I just read was.. inspiring.. in a way.
I'm sitting in the campus library, read a joke in their blog entry, and tried my hardest to contain my laughter. It wasn't one of those little girly giggles, just a simple and pure laugh of enjoyment and knowing something was absolutely hilarious. Funny thing is, the joke was just random. I love random jokes, but this is one of the best, and I don't know why, but I laughed and shook and tried to breathe until the tears squeezed from my eyes and the guy sitting two seats over came to look at what was wrong with me. He proceeded to read the entry, and when he got to the joke, started laughing too. So, I know its not just me =]
Funny aside, it reminded me of how simple things can be. We live in a world where EVERYTHING has been made so stinking confusing and complex that sometimes we don't know up from down. Am I right? Society has forgotten that we're just here to live.. just to live, thats all. God put us here because He wants us here. Ta-da! End of entry. ... just kidding. But really, how often do we walk through a park and see intricate details in flower petals, or have our day made by a 3 year old who came up to us on a 'bad day' and made us laugh? Simple things are what make everyday lives better. Do you smell the rain? Hear the wind? When was the last time you looked at the stars for more than a passing glance, or how about watching for fireflies?? Maybe if we notice these things more we'll have a better appreciation for life...
Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering what the joke was that provoked this blog entry, so here it is:
Why did the boy fall off the swing???
He was hit by a piano!!!!!!!
I was just reading someones blog and realized how I needed to write in mine.. I haven't written in way too long. There's been a few times since my last entry that I've said 'I should write today! ....nah,..' so I didn't. But one of the blogs I just read was.. inspiring.. in a way.
I'm sitting in the campus library, read a joke in their blog entry, and tried my hardest to contain my laughter. It wasn't one of those little girly giggles, just a simple and pure laugh of enjoyment and knowing something was absolutely hilarious. Funny thing is, the joke was just random. I love random jokes, but this is one of the best, and I don't know why, but I laughed and shook and tried to breathe until the tears squeezed from my eyes and the guy sitting two seats over came to look at what was wrong with me. He proceeded to read the entry, and when he got to the joke, started laughing too. So, I know its not just me =]
Funny aside, it reminded me of how simple things can be. We live in a world where EVERYTHING has been made so stinking confusing and complex that sometimes we don't know up from down. Am I right? Society has forgotten that we're just here to live.. just to live, thats all. God put us here because He wants us here. Ta-da! End of entry. ... just kidding. But really, how often do we walk through a park and see intricate details in flower petals, or have our day made by a 3 year old who came up to us on a 'bad day' and made us laugh? Simple things are what make everyday lives better. Do you smell the rain? Hear the wind? When was the last time you looked at the stars for more than a passing glance, or how about watching for fireflies?? Maybe if we notice these things more we'll have a better appreciation for life...
Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering what the joke was that provoked this blog entry, so here it is:
Why did the boy fall off the swing???
He was hit by a piano!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
A Little Encouragement (My Heart #8)
Psalm 62:5-6 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I SHALL NOT BE MOVED.
Micah 7:8-9 Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; When I sit in darkness, The Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case And executes justice for me. He will bring me forth to the light; I will see His righteousness.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans of peace and not of evil; to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me, and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart."
- So, these three sets of verses mean an awful lot to me..I'll try some explanations..:
- Set one: One of the speakers last weekend told us how he had been at a meeting, and the others were saying things that weren't exactly nice, and instead of lashing out with words, he kept repeating the first set of verses over and over in his head, "..wait SILENTLY for God alone.." you know, how often do we do that.. wait silently? By nature we want to defend ourselves and lash right back at the other people. Silence is a hard concept for most people. We do so much in our everyday lives that involves talking.. reality is: its hard to be silent. But, I don't think the silence here is only referring to speech, its referring to a quiet heart to God. Kinda like in Psalm 46:10 "..Be still and know that I AM GOD.." Some translations say "wait patiently", which goes along with "be still.." Silence. Wait for God. -
-Set two: I love how this one sounds so definite: "..When I fall, I WILL arise.." it doesn't say I might arise.. it says I WILL arise. Israel is confessing that she knows she sinned against God, knows she will pay the consequences, but also knows that God will forgive and bring her back to Him. How awesome is that? Do we have that mindset? The mindset of "I know I sinned, God will forgive me, and bring me back to Him, and I will pay the consequences because I messed up, but God will bring me back to Him" .. maybe we ought to have this mindset, eh? I think so.
-Set three: this is one of my all time favorite passages. It gives me so much encouragement when I'm down to know that whatever is happening is part of God's plan and it will work out. Its also awesome to know that God will listen when we pray, he says so right in verse 12. And then in verse 13... when I read this the first time I stopped completely: "You will seek me and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart". (all isn't capitalized in the Bible, I did that) to me, its just God saying, 'hey, I love you, and want to be sought after with all of your heart, I don't deserve to be any other priority than your first..' and He doesn't. That verse wouldn't hit so hard without the little word 'all'. But thats just it, when we search for God, we will find Him. And I so want to find Him!
So, how about you? What is your response to these verses? ..are you searching for something that you can't find and you still feel an empty hole inside no matter what you try to fill it with? Maybe you should let God in, and He will fill that hole
Micah 7:8-9 Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; When I sit in darkness, The Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case And executes justice for me. He will bring me forth to the light; I will see His righteousness.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans of peace and not of evil; to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me, and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart."
- So, these three sets of verses mean an awful lot to me..I'll try some explanations..:
- Set one: One of the speakers last weekend told us how he had been at a meeting, and the others were saying things that weren't exactly nice, and instead of lashing out with words, he kept repeating the first set of verses over and over in his head, "..wait SILENTLY for God alone.." you know, how often do we do that.. wait silently? By nature we want to defend ourselves and lash right back at the other people. Silence is a hard concept for most people. We do so much in our everyday lives that involves talking.. reality is: its hard to be silent. But, I don't think the silence here is only referring to speech, its referring to a quiet heart to God. Kinda like in Psalm 46:10 "..Be still and know that I AM GOD.." Some translations say "wait patiently", which goes along with "be still.." Silence. Wait for God. -
-Set two: I love how this one sounds so definite: "..When I fall, I WILL arise.." it doesn't say I might arise.. it says I WILL arise. Israel is confessing that she knows she sinned against God, knows she will pay the consequences, but also knows that God will forgive and bring her back to Him. How awesome is that? Do we have that mindset? The mindset of "I know I sinned, God will forgive me, and bring me back to Him, and I will pay the consequences because I messed up, but God will bring me back to Him" .. maybe we ought to have this mindset, eh? I think so.
-Set three: this is one of my all time favorite passages. It gives me so much encouragement when I'm down to know that whatever is happening is part of God's plan and it will work out. Its also awesome to know that God will listen when we pray, he says so right in verse 12. And then in verse 13... when I read this the first time I stopped completely: "You will seek me and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart". (all isn't capitalized in the Bible, I did that) to me, its just God saying, 'hey, I love you, and want to be sought after with all of your heart, I don't deserve to be any other priority than your first..' and He doesn't. That verse wouldn't hit so hard without the little word 'all'. But thats just it, when we search for God, we will find Him. And I so want to find Him!
So, how about you? What is your response to these verses? ..are you searching for something that you can't find and you still feel an empty hole inside no matter what you try to fill it with? Maybe you should let God in, and He will fill that hole
Be My Everything.. (My Heart #7)
(written January 4, 2010)
I recently went to a young adults retreat at Lake Ann Camp called THE BREAK, and thats exactly what it was, a break. A much needed one at that. It was great to get away for a while, the speakers were great, and the worship was awesome. The speakers spoke about genuine faith, pain, defeat, discouragement, and some other things. The things that got me the most were the messages on pain, defeat, and discouragement. It hit me hard when the speaker told us thats what he was going to be talking about all weekend, but it was anxious to hear what he had to say about it because thats kind of what my life was like this past year. There was painful stuff, defeat, discouragement, and everything in between. Anyway, his messages were good, and helped a lot.
....And then we celebrated new year =) a new year reminded me that God forgives and I didn't have to think about last year anymore.. because it was last year. Sort of like sin. Once it happens, and God forgives us, its gone. Audio Adrenaline wrote a song about it being 'on the ocean floor'.. and thats so true. Its gone.. forever.
So, I decided this year is going to be different. Tenth Avenue North wrote a song called You Are. The chorus says this, "I give You all of me, for all You are, here I am, take me apart..take me apart.." ..and thats what I want. I want to give God all of me because of who He is. That statement brings me to the song below. We sang it at the retreat, and its about wanting God to be our everything. About Him being evident in EVERY aspect of our lives. Thats exactly what I want.
Everything - Tim Hughes
God in my living. There in my breathing
God in my waking. God in my sleeping
God in my resting. There in my working
God in my thinking. God in my speaking
Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything
God in my hoping. There in my dreaming
God in my watching. God in my waiting
God in my laughing. There in my weeping
God in my hurting. God in my healing
Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything
Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
You are everything, You are everything
You are everything, You are everything
Jesus, Everything, Jesus, Everything
Jesus, Everything, Jesus, Everything
I recently went to a young adults retreat at Lake Ann Camp called THE BREAK, and thats exactly what it was, a break. A much needed one at that. It was great to get away for a while, the speakers were great, and the worship was awesome. The speakers spoke about genuine faith, pain, defeat, discouragement, and some other things. The things that got me the most were the messages on pain, defeat, and discouragement. It hit me hard when the speaker told us thats what he was going to be talking about all weekend, but it was anxious to hear what he had to say about it because thats kind of what my life was like this past year. There was painful stuff, defeat, discouragement, and everything in between. Anyway, his messages were good, and helped a lot.
....And then we celebrated new year =) a new year reminded me that God forgives and I didn't have to think about last year anymore.. because it was last year. Sort of like sin. Once it happens, and God forgives us, its gone. Audio Adrenaline wrote a song about it being 'on the ocean floor'.. and thats so true. Its gone.. forever.
So, I decided this year is going to be different. Tenth Avenue North wrote a song called You Are. The chorus says this, "I give You all of me, for all You are, here I am, take me apart..take me apart.." ..and thats what I want. I want to give God all of me because of who He is. That statement brings me to the song below. We sang it at the retreat, and its about wanting God to be our everything. About Him being evident in EVERY aspect of our lives. Thats exactly what I want.
Everything - Tim Hughes
God in my living. There in my breathing
God in my waking. God in my sleeping
God in my resting. There in my working
God in my thinking. God in my speaking
Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything
God in my hoping. There in my dreaming
God in my watching. God in my waiting
God in my laughing. There in my weeping
God in my hurting. God in my healing
Be my everything, Be my everything
Be my everything, Be my everything
Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
You are everything, You are everything
You are everything, You are everything
Jesus, Everything, Jesus, Everything
Jesus, Everything, Jesus, Everything
"...with ALL your heart.." (My Heart #6)
(written December 2, 2009)
As I'm sitting here, filling out an application, some of the questions take me back. As simple and straight forward as they are, some hurt, and I question answering them thruthfully. That just shows me how immovable I really am..
If I didn't answer them truthfully, then I wouldn't be able to live it down.. lying on an application for a Christ-centered camp whose existence is to help people grow in their relationships with God = not good
But, if I do, people will know things that I really don't want them to..
(I am going to answer truthfully, by the way)
Thinking about that reminded me of Jeremiah 29:13 "You will find me," says the Lord, "when you search for Me with all your heart" .... ALL our hearts. I know that when the stuff happened, I was definitely not searching for God with all my heart. In fact, I wasn't really searching for Him at all. I knew what was going on didn't need to be happening, but it did. That just showed me how immovable I really am.
But what about forgiveness? I asked God for forgiveness, and yet I still feel so crummy about the decisions even though they're in the past. Will the camp not hire me, even though God forgave me? It wouldn't make sense for them not to... but why would they ask the questions if they didn't NEED to know for some reason what the answers were? I don't understand... it doesn't matter, really, for them to know the answers.
My point.. I guess.. is that searching for God with ALL my heart would not have resulted in my present dilemma. But I really can't do anything about that now.. so, this stinks. Since I've moved over here, I have been searching for God will all my heart, and in my opinion, thats what matters. Right now, right here, I desire what God desires. Isn't that enough? I can only hope searching for God with all my heart right now makes all the difference. The past is the past,.. right?
"You will find me," says the Lord, "when you search for me with all your heart" -Jeremiah 29:13
As I'm sitting here, filling out an application, some of the questions take me back. As simple and straight forward as they are, some hurt, and I question answering them thruthfully. That just shows me how immovable I really am..
If I didn't answer them truthfully, then I wouldn't be able to live it down.. lying on an application for a Christ-centered camp whose existence is to help people grow in their relationships with God = not good
But, if I do, people will know things that I really don't want them to..
(I am going to answer truthfully, by the way)
Thinking about that reminded me of Jeremiah 29:13 "You will find me," says the Lord, "when you search for Me with all your heart" .... ALL our hearts. I know that when the stuff happened, I was definitely not searching for God with all my heart. In fact, I wasn't really searching for Him at all. I knew what was going on didn't need to be happening, but it did. That just showed me how immovable I really am.
But what about forgiveness? I asked God for forgiveness, and yet I still feel so crummy about the decisions even though they're in the past. Will the camp not hire me, even though God forgave me? It wouldn't make sense for them not to... but why would they ask the questions if they didn't NEED to know for some reason what the answers were? I don't understand... it doesn't matter, really, for them to know the answers.
My point.. I guess.. is that searching for God with ALL my heart would not have resulted in my present dilemma. But I really can't do anything about that now.. so, this stinks. Since I've moved over here, I have been searching for God will all my heart, and in my opinion, thats what matters. Right now, right here, I desire what God desires. Isn't that enough? I can only hope searching for God with all my heart right now makes all the difference. The past is the past,.. right?
"You will find me," says the Lord, "when you search for me with all your heart" -Jeremiah 29:13
Summertime!..at Lake Ann? (My Heart #5)
(written November 30, 2009)
Ever since the first summer ministry trip I went on in 2007, I've really been into the summer camp scene.
Ever since the summer before sixth grade, Lake Ann has had a HUGE impact on my life.
Coincidence? Possibly
But, last summer I really wanted to work at a summer camp.. I was considering one in New York, and Lake Ann, but then I figured it was my summer before college started and I'd be too busy to commit to anything,.. so I didn't. I went through the rush of moving everything to this side of the state, which took numerous trip, and settling in and finding a job and all that fun stuff. But I still had this really strong feeling, or pull maybe, and Lake Ann was always in the back of my mind. Reckon, I hadn't been there since the summer before my sophomore year in high school, so maybe I just missed it an awful lot.
I went to Lake Ann for five summers in a row. First there was Juniors, then two years of Junior High, then Fresh Start, and then Senior High. Each year my counselor played a huge role in my camp experience. They were always there to encourage, offer a little tough love, and sometimes bring up things that I didn't agree with.. just so I'd learn to deal. They always seemed so much older, but they were all college kids. I then learned that you only have to be entering your sophomore year in college to apply to be a counselor. So, my mind worked wonders, and convinced me I knew what my summer plans were for next year.
For a while I thought God had other plans
Over here, theres another camp. The more I looked into it, the more I liked it. And the more I liked it, the more I started to weigh the options of that camp and Lake Ann. Wanting to do what God wanted, I prayed. A lot. Lake Ann was further away.. but I'd never been to this camp, and to be honest, when I looked into it further and started talking to people,it didn't quite seem like it was a good fit for me. So, back to Lake Ann's website I went. Reminiscing. Reaching back into the files of my memory and remembering the time.........when I wore a ball cap around camp for the whole week, when Kim and I had sugar highs and almost knocked ourselves out trying to jump onto the bunks and hitting our heads, when I looked out over Pyramid Point and knew God was right there in the quiet with me, when I found new friends in a new freedom and figured out that I can be social..... when I found God .......
Off subject for a minute, when I say 'wanting to do what God wanted'.. what comes to mind? I know I say that a lot. Its true - I want to do what God wants for me, the plans He has for me. But, in a conversation I recently had, one of my best friends brought up a great point. I don't know what those plans are.. and when I pray and don't get answers, I tend to stay put for a long time. He asked me why not just jump in? If God hasn't answered me, maybe He wants me to take a few steps on my own. Besides, He always isn't going to answer, and love gives us choices. This person told me that He gives us choices - so when we take steps on our own, He'll go with that and prepare the way for the next steps we make also. Interesting.. so, maybe I'm supposed to make my own decision on this one?
I think it was made for me earlier though. Looking through their website I found a new retreat that I hadn't been to yet. I looked into it, and I'm now registered to go. I was looking through pictures and videos on the website and felt the all too familiar tug on the strings on my heart again. As if God is saying, "hello! what are you thinking? you want to be here.. what are you waiting for?"
So, after all that, I'm pretty sure I know where God wants me. And if those signs were just in my imagination, then I'm taking those steps to see if a door opens for me to follow through with them. I was told I couldn't get an application to work there until 2010, and the retreat will put me there on January 1 and 2.. so we'll see what happens. I think its time for me to be there in case some kid struggling with things like I was needs some encouragement, or maybe just someone to help them. After the impact Lake Ann made in my life.. I think its one of the least things I can do. I want to be there, I love it there, and its a safe haven for young kids.. game on.
Please pray
If I seem like some teen searching for something, I am. God's heart. That won't ever change.
Ever since the first summer ministry trip I went on in 2007, I've really been into the summer camp scene.
Ever since the summer before sixth grade, Lake Ann has had a HUGE impact on my life.
Coincidence? Possibly
But, last summer I really wanted to work at a summer camp.. I was considering one in New York, and Lake Ann, but then I figured it was my summer before college started and I'd be too busy to commit to anything,.. so I didn't. I went through the rush of moving everything to this side of the state, which took numerous trip, and settling in and finding a job and all that fun stuff. But I still had this really strong feeling, or pull maybe, and Lake Ann was always in the back of my mind. Reckon, I hadn't been there since the summer before my sophomore year in high school, so maybe I just missed it an awful lot.
I went to Lake Ann for five summers in a row. First there was Juniors, then two years of Junior High, then Fresh Start, and then Senior High. Each year my counselor played a huge role in my camp experience. They were always there to encourage, offer a little tough love, and sometimes bring up things that I didn't agree with.. just so I'd learn to deal. They always seemed so much older, but they were all college kids. I then learned that you only have to be entering your sophomore year in college to apply to be a counselor. So, my mind worked wonders, and convinced me I knew what my summer plans were for next year.
For a while I thought God had other plans
Over here, theres another camp. The more I looked into it, the more I liked it. And the more I liked it, the more I started to weigh the options of that camp and Lake Ann. Wanting to do what God wanted, I prayed. A lot. Lake Ann was further away.. but I'd never been to this camp, and to be honest, when I looked into it further and started talking to people,it didn't quite seem like it was a good fit for me. So, back to Lake Ann's website I went. Reminiscing. Reaching back into the files of my memory and remembering the time.........when I wore a ball cap around camp for the whole week, when Kim and I had sugar highs and almost knocked ourselves out trying to jump onto the bunks and hitting our heads, when I looked out over Pyramid Point and knew God was right there in the quiet with me, when I found new friends in a new freedom and figured out that I can be social..... when I found God .......
Off subject for a minute, when I say 'wanting to do what God wanted'.. what comes to mind? I know I say that a lot. Its true - I want to do what God wants for me, the plans He has for me. But, in a conversation I recently had, one of my best friends brought up a great point. I don't know what those plans are.. and when I pray and don't get answers, I tend to stay put for a long time. He asked me why not just jump in? If God hasn't answered me, maybe He wants me to take a few steps on my own. Besides, He always isn't going to answer, and love gives us choices. This person told me that He gives us choices - so when we take steps on our own, He'll go with that and prepare the way for the next steps we make also. Interesting.. so, maybe I'm supposed to make my own decision on this one?
I think it was made for me earlier though. Looking through their website I found a new retreat that I hadn't been to yet. I looked into it, and I'm now registered to go. I was looking through pictures and videos on the website and felt the all too familiar tug on the strings on my heart again. As if God is saying, "hello! what are you thinking? you want to be here.. what are you waiting for?"
So, after all that, I'm pretty sure I know where God wants me. And if those signs were just in my imagination, then I'm taking those steps to see if a door opens for me to follow through with them. I was told I couldn't get an application to work there until 2010, and the retreat will put me there on January 1 and 2.. so we'll see what happens. I think its time for me to be there in case some kid struggling with things like I was needs some encouragement, or maybe just someone to help them. After the impact Lake Ann made in my life.. I think its one of the least things I can do. I want to be there, I love it there, and its a safe haven for young kids.. game on.
Please pray
If I seem like some teen searching for something, I am. God's heart. That won't ever change.
What and Where, God? (My Heart #4)
(written November 15, 2009)
After the other three colleges I wanted to attend didn't work out I moved over here for college and to get away from life as I knew it. I could've stayed there and went to college, but I needed a change, needed to leave town and I really wanted to just start over. So, I did. But some things never change I guess.
My family ended up moving over here too, so I'm still around them. Funny thing is, everyone asks why I didn't just go to the community college back where I used to live, and now that I think about it: I'd still be living with my parents.. who are moving here.. so I would've ended up at west shore anyway. hah.. God sure knows what He's doing. I'm sooo glad.
I have no idea what I'm doing.. no idea where I'm going..
I have no idea where God wants me, and thats really frustrating sometimes. I thought I had things so figured out.. I was going to go to Baptist Bible College, get an education and a job, find prince charming, get married, start a family, blah blah..
...but God had other plans...
So, here I am, in college for early childhood education and childcare, but I don't want to teach. I don't know what I want to do, or what God wants me to. I thought this would get figured out. I knew I wanted to work with kids, so I put that as my intended major, but I really have no clue. Its like God's saying, "this makes you happy, we both know that, but we also both know you're not cut out to be a teacher, so just go with it for now" ....so I'm going with it for now, but I always wonder what God wants me to do.. I've become desensitized to some things in a way so I always wonder if He's told me and I wasn't listening. Thats a scary thought..
I like it here - I really do. Shortly after I moved and saw how much I grew closer to God without some of the previous influences I had back home, I made a few changes, and things started looking up. I got back on track. But now I'm comfortable, and I don't think thats good. Comfort is a state that I know I need to be careful of - its like I get so wrapped up in everything because life is good, that I forget why I'm really here and what I can do to keep God first in my life. I've been working on keeping Him first priority, but sometimes life gets in the way and screws everything up. Of course, God knows this, because He know everything that goes on in my life. But back to comfort - its almost as if we sometimes get to the place where we say, "I love Jesus and my friends love Jesus, so everything's ok, nothing bad here.." really? um, no. We get so comfortable in our own circumstances that we forget why God put us here.. for Him, to impact others.
I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm just here because God put me here, but He did that for a reason. I'm starting to look at colleges again for when I transfer, but something just keeps telling me to take it easy because I won't be moving.. and I'll be staying here. Staying here will be fine by me, but theres also the aspect of finishing school (which I'm sick of.. I just know I need a degree for a decent job) and getting a better job.
Then theres the whole prince charming thing.. thought I found him for a while and I was quite wrong, but, again, God had other plans. I'm really glad for those plans by the way. Things would be so different if they didn't exist. Instead of looking for him, I'm searching for God instead. You know, the whole quote that says something like ' a womans heart ought to be so lost in God's that a man has to seek God's heart to find hers '.. something like that. Its really weird, especially when friends are getting married and having children of their own. I thought I was so ready, then stepped back and thought about it for a while.. hah.. that just freaked me out and reminded me that although I'm an adult, I'm still way young. My mom always told me that I need to 'live' first before I get so wrapped up in life and a family. I always thought 'but I'm living right now..' so, after this whole paragraph, I think my point is that it'll happen when God wants it to happen, and I'm ok with that.
So, life as I know it is so different now. Over here, everyone is so much more laid back. Instead of being super involved in one church, I'm between two right now..trying to decide which one to make home. Trying to decide what God wants me to do, and trying to forget not to live the life He has given me. I have amazing friends over here, and am so thankful for them.
My last thoughts, if any of this note made sense to anyone, would be that God is in control, and will continue to be. He has plans that I have no clue about.. and I need to be patient. I lack patience.. but He is my strength when I don't have any, and I won't forget that.
After the other three colleges I wanted to attend didn't work out I moved over here for college and to get away from life as I knew it. I could've stayed there and went to college, but I needed a change, needed to leave town and I really wanted to just start over. So, I did. But some things never change I guess.
My family ended up moving over here too, so I'm still around them. Funny thing is, everyone asks why I didn't just go to the community college back where I used to live, and now that I think about it: I'd still be living with my parents.. who are moving here.. so I would've ended up at west shore anyway. hah.. God sure knows what He's doing. I'm sooo glad.
I have no idea what I'm doing.. no idea where I'm going..
I have no idea where God wants me, and thats really frustrating sometimes. I thought I had things so figured out.. I was going to go to Baptist Bible College, get an education and a job, find prince charming, get married, start a family, blah blah..
...but God had other plans...
So, here I am, in college for early childhood education and childcare, but I don't want to teach. I don't know what I want to do, or what God wants me to. I thought this would get figured out. I knew I wanted to work with kids, so I put that as my intended major, but I really have no clue. Its like God's saying, "this makes you happy, we both know that, but we also both know you're not cut out to be a teacher, so just go with it for now" ....so I'm going with it for now, but I always wonder what God wants me to do.. I've become desensitized to some things in a way so I always wonder if He's told me and I wasn't listening. Thats a scary thought..
I like it here - I really do. Shortly after I moved and saw how much I grew closer to God without some of the previous influences I had back home, I made a few changes, and things started looking up. I got back on track. But now I'm comfortable, and I don't think thats good. Comfort is a state that I know I need to be careful of - its like I get so wrapped up in everything because life is good, that I forget why I'm really here and what I can do to keep God first in my life. I've been working on keeping Him first priority, but sometimes life gets in the way and screws everything up. Of course, God knows this, because He know everything that goes on in my life. But back to comfort - its almost as if we sometimes get to the place where we say, "I love Jesus and my friends love Jesus, so everything's ok, nothing bad here.." really? um, no. We get so comfortable in our own circumstances that we forget why God put us here.. for Him, to impact others.
I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm just here because God put me here, but He did that for a reason. I'm starting to look at colleges again for when I transfer, but something just keeps telling me to take it easy because I won't be moving.. and I'll be staying here. Staying here will be fine by me, but theres also the aspect of finishing school (which I'm sick of.. I just know I need a degree for a decent job) and getting a better job.
Then theres the whole prince charming thing.. thought I found him for a while and I was quite wrong, but, again, God had other plans. I'm really glad for those plans by the way. Things would be so different if they didn't exist. Instead of looking for him, I'm searching for God instead. You know, the whole quote that says something like ' a womans heart ought to be so lost in God's that a man has to seek God's heart to find hers '.. something like that. Its really weird, especially when friends are getting married and having children of their own. I thought I was so ready, then stepped back and thought about it for a while.. hah.. that just freaked me out and reminded me that although I'm an adult, I'm still way young. My mom always told me that I need to 'live' first before I get so wrapped up in life and a family. I always thought 'but I'm living right now..' so, after this whole paragraph, I think my point is that it'll happen when God wants it to happen, and I'm ok with that.
So, life as I know it is so different now. Over here, everyone is so much more laid back. Instead of being super involved in one church, I'm between two right now..trying to decide which one to make home. Trying to decide what God wants me to do, and trying to forget not to live the life He has given me. I have amazing friends over here, and am so thankful for them.
My last thoughts, if any of this note made sense to anyone, would be that God is in control, and will continue to be. He has plans that I have no clue about.. and I need to be patient. I lack patience.. but He is my strength when I don't have any, and I won't forget that.
.."I can see you, and thats all that matters".. (My Heart #3)
(written November 8, 2009)
So, this morning I tried out a new church in Ludington. The pastor told this story:
Theres a young boy whose house catches on fire and he makes it to the roof. His father, however, made it outside and is calling to him on the rooftop. All the boy sees is smoke and flames. The father keeps calling, "son, jump, I'll catch you" but the boy is afraid because he can't see him. His father calls again, "son, jump, I'll catch you" to which the boy replies, "but I can't see you!". The father replies, "I can see you, and thats all that matters"
think about it for a minute..
Father:"Son, jump, I'll catch you!"
Son: "but I can't see!"
Father: ..."I can see you and thats all that matters"...
How often is that a conversation we ourselves have with God? We get so scared because we can't see past the flames and smoke in our own lives and we know that He is there, but because we can't see God, we get too scared to jump. He's calling us to a life where situations like that will be abundant. "Son, jump, I'll catch you", how promising is that?! God says He'll catch us.. and sometimes we won't jump ..just because we can't see.. For me, the concept is really challenging, because I struggle with things like this all the time. I know God is there, but I question.. and I don't jump. It often becomes a question of what would've happened if I had.. what would God have done? How would He have worked through me? ..but I won't know.
We can't always see Him, but thats going to happen, its called life. It all comes down to the point that we have to come to the place where when God says "jump", we jump, because He can see us, and thats all that matters.
"Jump" ... "I can see you, and thats all that matters"
So, this morning I tried out a new church in Ludington. The pastor told this story:
Theres a young boy whose house catches on fire and he makes it to the roof. His father, however, made it outside and is calling to him on the rooftop. All the boy sees is smoke and flames. The father keeps calling, "son, jump, I'll catch you" but the boy is afraid because he can't see him. His father calls again, "son, jump, I'll catch you" to which the boy replies, "but I can't see you!". The father replies, "I can see you, and thats all that matters"
think about it for a minute..
Father:"Son, jump, I'll catch you!"
Son: "but I can't see!"
Father: ..."I can see you and thats all that matters"...
How often is that a conversation we ourselves have with God? We get so scared because we can't see past the flames and smoke in our own lives and we know that He is there, but because we can't see God, we get too scared to jump. He's calling us to a life where situations like that will be abundant. "Son, jump, I'll catch you", how promising is that?! God says He'll catch us.. and sometimes we won't jump ..just because we can't see.. For me, the concept is really challenging, because I struggle with things like this all the time. I know God is there, but I question.. and I don't jump. It often becomes a question of what would've happened if I had.. what would God have done? How would He have worked through me? ..but I won't know.
We can't always see Him, but thats going to happen, its called life. It all comes down to the point that we have to come to the place where when God says "jump", we jump, because He can see us, and thats all that matters.
"Jump" ... "I can see you, and thats all that matters"
While I'm Waiting (My Heart #2)
(written October 10,2009)
My life right now. youtube it, its a great song.
actually, heres the link: http://www.youtube.com/wat
While I'm Waiting by John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
My life right now. youtube it, its a great song.
actually, heres the link: http://www.youtube.com/wat
While I'm Waiting by John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
To My Friends Who Don't Agree/Approve (My Heart #1)
(written September 12,2009)
I recently made a decision that turned my and someone else's world upside down. Apparently, that someone else was talking to some of my friends from school, none from church mind you, and said they think my reasoning was stupid.
I don't care.
That reason is solid, and is not my only reason, but the main one. When something is not God's will for your life, then you need to run. Run away from that something, so you don't get caught up in it and miss whatever God does have for you. I don't know what God's plan is for my life - none of us know what His plan is for our life, and we need to accept that, and trust what He is doing in our lives at the time. He has an awesome plan for each our lives, and if we give our lives to Him, He will show us, and bless us. Someone very special to me once told me that the consequences for disobedience (to God) will always be far worse than those for obedience (to the world). I stand by that statement.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Provers 3:5-6
I'm trusting in God, not in myself, because by myself I am horribly weak, and lost. The decision both was and was not my decision, but, nontheless, I made a decision. I stand by that decision, and all those who stand beside me, thank you. For all those who don't - thats your business.
This note was in no way meant to be snobbish. I'm just letting everyone know where I stand.
I recently made a decision that turned my and someone else's world upside down. Apparently, that someone else was talking to some of my friends from school, none from church mind you, and said they think my reasoning was stupid.
I don't care.
That reason is solid, and is not my only reason, but the main one. When something is not God's will for your life, then you need to run. Run away from that something, so you don't get caught up in it and miss whatever God does have for you. I don't know what God's plan is for my life - none of us know what His plan is for our life, and we need to accept that, and trust what He is doing in our lives at the time. He has an awesome plan for each our lives, and if we give our lives to Him, He will show us, and bless us. Someone very special to me once told me that the consequences for disobedience (to God) will always be far worse than those for obedience (to the world). I stand by that statement.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Provers 3:5-6
I'm trusting in God, not in myself, because by myself I am horribly weak, and lost. The decision both was and was not my decision, but, nontheless, I made a decision. I stand by that decision, and all those who stand beside me, thank you. For all those who don't - thats your business.
This note was in no way meant to be snobbish. I'm just letting everyone know where I stand.
Getting Started
Ok, so I've never really been much of a blogger but figured this would be a good idea. Lately I've taken to writing notes on facebook, so I decided this would be better than just putting them there. I like things that are somewhat structured sometimes. Sometimes. Anyway, the name of the blog is just that. I write about life, my heart, and God. Just stuff that goes on in everyday life. I like to keep things real.
I figure since I've already kinda started a series type thing on my facebook, I'd put what I've written so far on here. It would probably make more sense to do that anyway. So, even though they'll all be posted on one day, they weren't all written on one day.
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