Learning to Deal

Learning to deal.. with all that life throws at me. That's what I've been working on lately. Last week when I wrote about some of my frustrations, I was just writing to make sense of everything. However, this past week has been espeicially hard, and I've already made sense of it. Some major boundaries were crossed and I didn't like it. In fact, I was very hurt and insulted and felt trampled on all at the same time. One thing that had happened was voiced, and those involved got angry. Now tell me, how am I supposed to be honest about things that are bothering me if voicing them only makes things worse? I wasn't rude at all about it, but I made myself clear, and then when Caleb clarified it with them again later, I learned that they basically took what I said and threw it out the window, and continued to do what they had been doing. It was pretty frustrating. I really don't understand. I would aboslutely love a say in how my wedding goes, the decorations, etc., but I guess I'm not entitled to that. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond thankful for everything these few people are doing to help, but it just seems like they're controlling every aspect of the wedding. I'd like to help with my own wedding.. but I'm getting so frustrated because whatever I say seems to be disregarded until I fight it.

So, where does that put me? I'm sure I sound like a jerk by now, considering that was the first thing in this post. But really, there are certain things that just bug me, and those seem to be the things that get brought up or are disagreed on. I'm wondering if people realize how they're coming across. I've been told I could just be taking things the wrong way, and I thought about that for about two months every time there was something that we disagreed on, so I can tell you that I'm not taking things the wrong way, I'm taking them how they're given to me. I'm being told how things are going to be done for my own wedding.. not being given a choice. I can definitely tell you that I didn't think planning our wedding would be this frustrating.

I've been trying to think of other ways I can tell some people to back off a little bit, but do it respectfully. I was faced with comments about not saying anything because someone is paying for something in the wedding, but I don't think that's right. Yes, I do think they should have a say in how whatever they are paying for goes, but the two people getting married need to have the final say, because after all it is their wedding - their big day that is one of the most important days in their lives. Just because someone is paying for something doesn't mean they get to control it. They are probably paying for it because they love one or both of the people and want to help - so the control aspect shouldn't even be a worry.

All this to say that four days from my wedding I'm so frustrated I feel like I could explode. I shouldn't feel like this, but I just can't let the frustrations go. I know that everything will work out and my wedding will be wonderful, and beautiful. It will be just how God wants it to be, and for His daughter, He wants nothing less than the desires of her heart. I've been told that, and I believe it with every ounce of my being. Its just the 'getting there' part that has me spent and frustrated. I'd appreciate it if you would pray for these last few days until the wedding. Pray that there won't be any falling outs between people, and that we will work together to finish up the last few things that need to get done. Also, pray for peace of mind, that I can let go of some of the things that are bothering me. Much thanks.