Just Average

"God doesn't always use the best, but He'll use those who are willing"
"God has created you uniquely; there is no one else exactly like you"
"God will and can use you for big things"

We've heard those sayings, and others I'm sure, countless times, but how often do we really think about them? Probably not as often as we feel like we are 'just average.' For years I've struggled with so many thoughts of inadequateness or being 'too average.' Thoughts like,

"I'm the only one in my house that goes to church and home is like a battlefield.. how am I supposed to live out my faith? It's impossible to look like Jesus in an environment like that. And when I try, I get called a hypocrite. Maybe I'm not called for that, maybe I'm just average."
"I love softball, I've been playing practically my whole life, but I'm 'just ok at best,' and will probably never be able to use it."
"I screw up constantly, and my mouth gets me in trouble. Lots of trouble. How can I be part of a seemingly perfect family who has always been involved in church and even has missionaries in it? I can never live up to that standard.. I'm just average"
"I feel like I've never excelled at any job I've ever had. How am I supposed to be good at what I do if I can't get the hang of it? People will think I'm lazy.. how will Jesus get the glory then?"
"I want to serve Jesus and I love people, but its hard for me to talk to them.. I'm too shy! How can God use me if I can't even go talk to people? I can't even go up to the high schoolers or kids we minister to.."
"How can I sing on stage if my voice is 'just ok?' There are people with better voices than me.. why can't they just do it.. they're perfect anyway, and I'm not."
"How will my child see Jesus in me in his early years if I can't even be patient with him? After all, Jesus is so patient with me, and He knows I screw up all the time. My son doesn't even know why I'm frustrated.."
"I'm just too messy of a person.. I never kept my room clean growing up, how in the world am I supposed to keep a whole house clean? Let alone entertain people? Isn't that one of the reasons we bought a bigger house in the first place? How can I love Jesus and my family and show hospitality if I can't even keep a house clean.. I'm a stay at home mom.. isn't that my job? My house doesn't even look clean when I clean it.."
"How can God use me in this situation where we've already been waiting on Him for over five years and we haven't gotten an answer to prayer? I feel like giving up. I'm at my wits end. But I desperately want to serve Him through even this.. even though I feel like I can't take it anymore."

Guys, this is real stuff. I imagine some of you may have had some similar thoughts, and many different ones depending on your own lives. But here's the thing: my struggles are my struggles, because I'm me. Remember the quote at the beginning about uniqueness? Yeah, God shushed some of the inadequate thoughts with that quote. He also reminded me that many of those doubts are from the enemy. (He's ridiculously relentless. It's so annoying..). The thing is, God really has created us to be what He wanted. And for some of us, that is 'just average.' We don't feel like we excel at things, or can do things right, etc. But we are right where He wants us to be. You see, when we are just average and ordinary, we actually still have an incredible platform. Want to know how? In our average-ness, we can still do everything for God and His glory, and when we place it in His hands, He can multiply it. Great things can come from small acts of obedience and service when done for Jesus. There isn't anything average about that! Kay Warren said it wonderfully this morning in a devotional post on the Proverbs 31 Ministries website. She wrote,

Driving in my car one day, I turned on a Christian radio station to distract myself from the deep sadness, dissatisfaction and disappointment I felt about myself. I was seeking a message of hope or a song that would encourage me, and an old gospel song, Ordinary People, was playing. The lyrics said that God chooses and uses ordinary people — those who are willing to give Him their all. The song continued with “little becomes much when you place it in the Master’s hands.”
That moment radically altered my perception of who God was and who He had made me to be. I sobbed with relief and gratitude; my long search for identity and purpose had found an answer. It was God who had chosen me to be an average, ordinary woman. He could have made me prettier, smarter, more talented, more popular or more gifted, but He didn’t. Instead, His intention was for me to bring Him glory by giving Him my little — my averageness, my ordinariness — and then allowing Him to multiply it in ways far beyond what I had ever dreamed of.
My pursuit of being “special” was shelved. My earnest quest to be the best at something was put aside. My focus shifted to accepting and enjoying who God made me to be: an average, ordinary woman who was willing to give her all to the One whose hands lovingly formed and shaped her.
I began to entrust myself — who I am and who I’m not — to God. If He opened doors of opportunity, I would walk through them. If He didn’t, then so be it. What mattered then and what matters now, is that in all things, I am His to do with as He pleases.
I had some relearning to do; I had to adjust my perception of myself. Instead of seeing myself as inadequate or incapable — too shy, too much of an introvert, not smart enough, not gifted enough — I began to believe and apply the truth of Philippians 4:13, “I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses His strength into me.” Anything. Anything. In my strength? No! Only in His strength poured in me.

Over the past few months, I've been letting God's truth about this sink in. It's actually pretty timely that I read this devotional this morning. As much as I tried to not entertain doubts the enemy was feeding me, this morning I was struggling with many things.. having patience with a sweet toddler who is needy because he just doesn't feel good, not being able to keep the house clean, that situation we've been facing for over five years seems to be looming over me, and getting ready to practice my songs for this Sunday's worship set list, even though my vocals are 'just ordinary.' My "just ordinary-ness" in all of those situations can be pretty daunting. The truth about my morning? My "just average" patience was stretched, but I kept my cool pretty well with my sweet little man and we snuggled all morning - even though I have SO much to do. I told myself that the dishes will still be there later, my son is more important, my husband understands, and the Lord would be more pleased for me take care of a little one who is sick than to clean up the dishes and counters. After all, this moment when I am able to comfort him and push the other stuff away, will be gone soon, and it means the world to him when he comes up to me with tears in his eyes for a hug and says, "tome on mama, sit down pease, bankie.." and takes my hand and we go sit on the couch. I chose that moment instead of a moment of "mama has to do _____" where he would be sent off with tears or cling to my leg, as my heart broke and I would instantly regret choosing housework over him. My "just average" faith knows that the situation going on for over five years will pass, we will have grown, and God will have an incredible outcome for us. Is that hard? Immensely. My "just average" voice will praise God with those worship songs, and as I learned a few weeks ago after the worship set, the Spirit will move regardless of how good or average my voice is. I just need to be willing to let God use me in that way. The more I choose to let it penetrate my heart, the more I realize that I like being "just average." Ordinary never seemed so good!

"It was God who had chosen me to be an average, ordinary woman. He could have made me prettier, smarter, more talented, more popular or more gifted, but He didn’t. Instead, His intention was for me to bring Him glory by giving Him my little — my averageness, my ordinariness — and then allowing Him to multiply it in ways far beyond what I had ever dreamed of." 

My toddler saw his ordinary mom, who can't seem to keep a house clean, choose him instead of the housework today. I chose ordinary obedience in serving God while waiting for answered prayer. And I choose to use my ordinary voice to worship God, knowing He loves my voice just how He fashioned it. I may not ever see the outcome of these things be multiplied, but I gave them to God. I gave Him my averageness. Sweet friend, if you feel average, will you give Him your averageness too? Will you allow Him to use it and multiply it in ways far beyond what you had ever dreamed of?


Check out the rest of Kay's devotion on Proverbs 31 Ministries website..  http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/

And We're Back!

Well friends.. it has been a while; over a year. I've been thinking about posting often lately, and then my husband recently told me he checks this often to see if I've posted because he misses reading it, so I decided it was finally time. The page got refresher too. So I guess we'll see where it goes from here.

I don't even know where to start anymore. My brain hasn't been in writing mode as much as "get-through-the-day" mode. It turns out that when people told me chasing a toddler was exhausting, they were right. He's currently leaning on the back of the computer screen closing it from the weight of his head leaning on it.. and leaning on me and pushing me sideways in an attempt to get comfortable. Goof. Never a dull moment! All joking aside, he's a great kid. He's sweet, kind, fun and goofy. He loves all things related to trains (we're currently watching Thomas and Friends..) and tools, and is his daddy's mini-me. And he's very excited to be getting promoted to big brother in October!

So let's see... in the last year our little man has been growing like a weed, we've kept busy with all kinds of stuff, gotten involved in our new church, found out we're expecting again, and I've gotten much more involved with MOPS in a different leadership role. It has been a good year. Don't get me wrong, it had its challenges, but that's one of the major reasons it was such a good year. In those challenges, we grew as a family and in our relationship with the Lord in ways we never imagined we would or could. God is so good! Looking back at those hard things we went through has been really cool for us now, and just another testament to how God is working in situations and ways that we have no idea about, even when it seems impossible.

I'm going to call that good for now.. apparently I actually have to think through things before I write now, as I'm drawing a blank on what else the past year has entailed. Must be mom-brain. Dinner is also waiting to be cooked.. and my hungry toddler and husband and little one in me need to eat.. so here I go!

Catching Up

Well, I ended my last post (yes, way back in 2013, just a few days shy of three years ago!) by saying that I'd be back in God's time. Thinking about the reality of that, it makes me laugh. God's timing is always the right timing, amen? But I wonder sometimes if he laughs at us when we try to impose our timing on His plans for our lives.. If so, He must've had a pretty good laugh at my last closing statement. I thought I'd be back sooner, but I guess I thought wrong haha. So, I should probably give a few updates.. considering it's been three years.

It's crazy how much can change in a short amount of time, and the following things are definitely not an exhaustive list. For starters, we were insanely involved in our church in various ministries. We gradually pulled out of those ministries over a two year period, and changed churches a few months ago. This has been a wonderful change (not that our previous church is bad by any means) and we are enjoying a new church.

In the fall of 2013, I accepted an offer to work full time for a company in the oil and gas industry and left my position at the bank. I worked for this company until late 2014 until they downsized and I was laid off. I was shocked, scared by the loss of income, and unsure what to do, but I knew God was in control and would provide like He always has. (And He did, and continues to do so.)

During the summer of 2014, we had decided to start a family and with great joy discovered we were expecting that same September. I was blessed with a great pregnancy. I wasn't sick, didn't have any medical conditions, and only had mild morning (err.. all-day) sickness that lasted until around 24 weeks. The only concern for the whole pregnancy was that our little man was awfully comfortable and didn't want to join us, so I was induced on his due date. He still wasn't ready, so they sent me home for a week (which was totally frustrating by the way.. being the size of a bus is not comfortable, then going through the induction process only to be told 24 hours later, "hey, we're sending you home without a baby.. better luck next week" only sends a sore, hormonal momma into tears and more frustration). So, our sweet Noah was born a week later, last May, healthy as could be, and we are SO in love! He is definitely worth the wait and we are loving every minute with him. He is such a happy boy! He loves his family, his toys, any kind of food, music, and pulling all the DVD's off the bottom shelf on his way out when he tries to escape from the living room ;)

After getting laid off, I realized I was able to go to MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) and really enjoyed being around all the other mommas. If you're not familiar with MOPS and you're a momma, please please please check them out! It is a fantastic ministry for mommas and incredibly beneficial. In fact, I'll make it easy for you, here's a link: www.mops.org. In late summer, I got a call from one of the committee members asking if I'd prayerfully consider joining the leadership team by being a discussion group leader and be responsible for a table of ladies at each meeting. I'd recently felt God preparing me for something to get back in the saddle of ministry and it instantly clicked ("duh"), so I said yes and am currently serving in that ministry. I absolutely love it. Its definitely not within my comfort zone, but that's part of what God had been preparing me for. You know that "tugging-at-your-heartstrings" feeling when God is saying "go" but hasn't told you where yet, but you know He's not going to tell you where until you step out in faith and say yes to Him? Yeah, that's where I was at. And I said yes to God. And He has blessed every step of the way. And He has showed me for the hundredth time that I don't need to be great at everything that my leadership role entails, because when I let HIM fill in the spots where I'm inadequate, HE gets the glory, and the mommas get pointed to HIM (crafty, eh?). He is SO faithful!

So, those are just a few things that have changed, but I'll hopefully write more eventually. Noah's been asleep for 2.5 hours.. so he's due to wake up any second!

Silence.. Or Lack Of

Silence... its what you've heard from me for over a month. But my life definitely hasn't been silent.
To start, we've been to camp.. which was fantastic - as usual. We've done various things with church, family, friends, and are more thankful for time we get to spend with friends and family every day. Life is such a gift, and so are all the people we encounter along our journey.

Along with life not being silent, I can tell you with much happiness that God hasn't been silent either. He is working amazing things personally, in other relationships, and in our marriage.

The video below is "One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture. It doesn't need an intro from me, or an explanation. The message is simple.. give it a listen. Its just one of those songs that gets me every time.. and has done so especially these last few months.

Coming up tomorrow is my grandma's birthday. All the sleepovers, shopping, garage sales, swimming, parties, just hanging out, talking... and everything else she selflessly did -and still does- for us kids, means more than one can ever know. Thank you. I know she reads this so: Happy Birthday! I love you so much and can't wait to see you soon!

Whats coming up? The annual Church Ministries Conference, (hopefully) a couple retreats, and a few road trips. Maybe you'll hear about them :) If not.. sorry... life gets away from me sometimes. Through it all, though, know this: God is good. All the time. And whatever happens with us has already been ok'd by Him, so hey, what do we have to worry!

I'll be back in His time (because we know that our time schedules don't mean much ;) haha

Joy in Encouragement

God is so good! As I sit here on my day off relaxing, my heart is bursting with joy just reflecting of all the ways I've been blessed. Family, friends, churches, etc... the list could go on and on. This post will probably be stream of consciousness because of that.. just to warn you.. so hold on :)

A verse that has been running in circles around me the last few days is Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." My youth pastor spoke on Hebrews my junior year of high school, and ever since, I've had that verse stuck in my head. Not that its a bad thing ;)

But really, God has been faithful, He never fails. I had plans for my future, He had different plans... let me be the first to tell you this; His were far better :) I had plans for where I would settle down and start life; His plans were better. I had plans for so many things... and as His plan for my life spans out, I learn more every single day that His plans are far better than any of mine, and blessings flow like the endless water I drink everyday. Encouragement finds me at just the right time, every time. And even though my  human natures gives way to sin, doubt, worry, etc., He is always right there when I fall back into His arms knowing I've failed. Human nature is like that though, we fail. In our young adult group the other day, we were talking about the seven woes in Matthew 23 on The Pharisees and Teachers of the Law. They were hypocrites (just like us..), bound by their works instead of faith. They were even called children of hell in the passage. We find our worth in the things we do too sometimes, but really our identity is in Christ Himself and we just can't accept that its enough. How foolish is that.. The God of the Universe created us, knows us, and sent His very own son to die for us, so we could live with Him in eternity. What more do we need to prove our worth? And yet we forget that. Anyway, the thing that got to me most about the passage is that these people were trying so hard to be like Christ that they were forgetting to just be with Him. Have you ever found yourself trying so hard to not do this, to do that, to say this, or to act a certain way because we know its right and godly, but its just so hard, and we fail... and we feel terrible. But, what we forgot, is to spend time with Christ in prayer, Bible reading, or just in quiet. Think about your friends, or people in general... don't they rub off? If you're around people for a long enough period of time, you start to be like them; mannerisms rub off, speech rubs off, thoughts rub off, and pretty soon you're in tune with each other. When we spend time with Christ, we start to be more and more like Him. My youth pastor used to say "when you stop reading the Bible, you stop thinking like Christ" and I believe that whole heartedly. If we would stop trying so hard to be like Him, and just be with Him, that's when His likeness will rub off. I'm not saying to stop trying to be like Christ altogether, but we often try too hard, and get discouraged as a result. Just remain in Him. Bask in Him. Love Him... Spend time with Him. He'll rub off on you.

Remain in Him.. John 15 tells us that if we remain in Him, and He in us, we bear fruit. Yes, its that simple. (Crying over the simplicity of things is ok to do, by the way.. :). That, along with the reminder to just be with Him are some of the most encouraging things I've heard lately. "Just be with Him" ..its encouraging to know that we don't have to rely on our works, isn't it? Just be with Him.

Ringing In The New Year!

Happy New Year from West Michigan!
Last night we went downtown to share in all the festivities. We didn't get there till 11pm (purposely) and started exploring. Shops had opened back up, there was a dj, there was a tent for hot cocoa and cider, and of course, the beer tent (luckily alcohol was only allowed in a certain area). It was fun to walk around and see so many people, and a little girl from AWANA popped up and said hi to us out of the crowd. We saw our neighbors, people from church, and a few friends from our Bible study. We didn't go far, just ducked in and out of shops for a while until about ten till. So we stood around and watched the ball drop and then the fireworks. By then we were exhausted so we just headed home the back way. It was the first time either of us had been to the ball drop here, and I don't think it'll be the last :) It was pretty neat.

As I'm sure you know, New Years Eve and day are a time when countless resolutions are made. I stopped doing resolutions years ago and started setting goals instead. Why? Because resolutions are forgotten, not kept, etc., and then we feel bad because we 'resolved' to do something and didn't... however, we've been trained to view goals as ongoing, so even when we miss out for a while we can pick up right where we were and keep going. So, it helps me to view them as goals.. because I know how my brain works :) haha. Anyway, here are just a few goals for this new year:

-Pick a word for the year to focus, learn and grow on: love.
-Do more devotions alone and as a couple.
-Make a 'menu' type list of groceries, and go shopping only once a week, with as many coupons as I can use! Normally I go for 'this or that' about three times a week.. and then I pick up something else, and.. I don't really need them, so I think that's where a lot of our money goes. I'm hoping to both save more money and learn to be even more frugal this year.
-Save receipts.

I try to not make a lot of goals, because then I feel far fetched, but I definitely like making a few. It never hurts to improve and try new things. Did you make any goals or resolutions this year? If so, please comment below and share, I'd love to hear them!

Have a blessed New Year everyone!

Christmas Busyness

It feels like such a long time since I've written, but I'm sure you all know how busy the Christmas season is :) Here's a few things we've done since I wrote last time:

-Had our young adult group Christmas party (there were 27 people in our house!)
-Went across state for two family Christmas'
-Spent time with my brother and his girlfriend who live in Missouri
-Spent Christmas with two sides of family
-Been in the ER here, and a hospital two hours south

It has been interesting to say the least, but life throws all kinds of things at us, and we're used to that :) Both family Christmas' across state were wonderful. We got to see at least fifty people from my family, and my brother and his girlfriend were able to come to both parties this year. They come from Missouri every year, and because the parties were so close to Christmas, this year they were already here. It was great to see everyone and the family time was much needed.

The young adult group Christmas party was a lot of fun. We did a traditional dinner (there was absolutely no counter space left after everything was set out - and I have a lot of counters!) and a 'gift grab.' Everyone brought a dish to pass and white elephant gift. We ate (so much food..) and then we drew numbers to pick the gifts. There was stealing of gifts, shenanigans, and lots of commotion, but it was fun. It was a late night though, and we both had to work the next morning so it was quite exhausting.

Christmas here was fun. We spent Christmas Eve day with my family, and went to the service at night with Caleb's family and then opened gifts with them. Christmas morning was at my parents', dinner at his parents, and then we ended the night at my parents with a bunch of games before we came home and did gifts with each other. It was hectic and long, but it was a great Christmas day and we were able to spend time with lots of family.

The day after Christmas we had to work, but I went out to my parents for dinner. We ended up in the ER with my great grandma, and then got transferred to a bigger city. After many tests they confirmed it was a stroke. If you could please pray for her that would be greatly appreciated. She's 95, and has always been a fighter, but she could use a few prayer warriors to think about her.

As for me, I sit on my couch on a perfectly good Sunday morning, sick. I've been fighting something off since last weekend and it finally caught up to me. I'm not super sick, but my throat is irritated and I keep coughing up phlegm.. and just guessing, but thats probably the last thing people sitting next to me in a pew want to be around. So, I'll listen to the service on the radio. I was looking forward to the service though. I was supposed to be on praise team, and our friend - the youth pastor at our church - was given the opportunity to preach. He's so excited, and we're excited to see what he has to say. I just wish I could be there to see it,.. the radio is great, but I'm too fidgety to just sit so we'll see what happens.

Well, thats all for now. I hope your Christmas season was great, and you enjoyed celebrating the Saviors birth. Just remember that regardless of the season, we can always celebrate.

Merry Christmas Everyone!